My Cousin Philip

It’s been 2 years since I saw the little fellow and boy, how tall and big he has become. My cousin Philip came by for a visit two weeks ago. He is already 8 years old now. Time indeed fly when you’re not watching. It has been 8 years already when I cradle the little guy in my arms. My cousin stayed with us when he was just a few months old because his mother is too busy to take care of her and hiring a maid is an expensive affair in Taiwan. Besides she couldn’t really look after boy given her full time job. I still remember the fond memories I had with the little guy. I still could vividly remember that pair of curious eyes looking at me trying to figure out who I am and why I am smiling at him. Nor would I forget how he literally jump up in joy whenever I took some time out from my work at the office and come up to see how he was doing. He would try to get up even though his limbs are still weak and extends his arms asking for me to carry him and play with him even just for a few minutes. I would usually saddle him on my neck and carry him on my shoulder and play horsy with me of course being the horse. Often times, my hair got wet because he would drool over my hair. There was a time he did even pee and soil on my neck! Speaking of soiled diapers, I never once changed his diapers. In fact, I never changed a diaper in my life so far! I came close once and that was when the “yaya” went away for a break and I along with my sister was left to care for my cousin. I had to change my cousin’s soiled diaper back then and I called my sister to do it. She complained and retorted that “he” is a guy and as a “guy”, I should be the one doing it. I countered that I’m still single and that I maybe traumatized by the entire event that I may forgo any thought of marriage besides I’m the big brother and I’m ordering her to do it. Well, I don’t know what convinced her to do it but she did it and I was excused from changing diapers subsequently. Talk about privileges. Come to think of it, I should be putting that in writing in my pre – nuptial agreement when I’m getting married. No changing of the baby’s diapers. I wonder if that would stand in court. One of the most memorable moments I have with the little guy was when he started to walk. At first, he walks with me assisting him. Eventually, I let him go and runs toward my mom. Boy! I should have taken that picture, that first walk. It was a sight to behold. In the process of learning to walk, he more than once stumbled and fell. Most of the time, he would cry and we would pick him up and he would try to walk again. There are times though when in his eagerness to walk, he would pick himself up and try to walk again without shedding any tears. I had to hand it to the little guy. It was an admirable feat, which not many adults could do. I always thought that people, especially adults, would generally stay down when they’ve stumbled or have fallen. They wouldn’t pick themselves up or rather they refused to pick themselves up and here we have a year old kid who in his quest to walk wouldn’t even mind to fall a couple of times and stand up again until he succeeds. I wish I had the little guy’s optimism or his zest or his stubborn determination. At any rate, once my cousin started to walk, I would always hold his hands and walk him down the neighborhood every morning to buy “pandesal”. He would gaze around as we walk trying to remember his new environment. His world has just got bigger from the usual room and the living room that he is accustomed to play and sleep in. I also remembered the first time he speaks out and it is over the telephone during one of his “conversation” with his parents. His father is particularly overjoyed when he heard his son says “papa” over the telephone. I’d say that I’m a little disappointed for I was hoping that he would call me “kuoko” (Fookien for big brother) after learning to speak but he didn’t. Well, that was eight years ago, now my cousin speaks straight Mandarin that I wasn’t even able to quite keep up with. Even with my rustiness, I still manage to communicate with him. Boy! He is quite talkative now. During his stay here, he was the one who does most of the talking. I never really know what to say. I used to ask him whenever I got him on the phone that if he was being good or that if he is doing well with his studies. Now, he is all grown up, I don’t know what to talk about. He was always babbling and I couldn’t understand a word of what he is trying to say and it is then, I started to listen. I realize that my cousin is talking about cartoons, the characters, the computer games he played and the characters he was playing. I was amazed by the sheer facts that he remembers. He could in fact tell the story of the entire episode and went deeper as in to speculate as to the origins of their power and birth. Wow! It is simply amazing, kids and their imaginations. However, I was particularly surprised and at the same breath thoroughly disappointed with my cousin, though it was no fault of his in the first place. I was surprised to learn that he knows “San Kuo” or the storyline of the Three Kingdoms pretty well. Being a historian, I was naturally delighted, for San Kuo was one of the great epic historical legends in Chinese history if not the greatest. However, I am greatly saddened to learn that he treats the entire legend as a game and that he is neither interested in the story or in its moral conception of right and wrong but rather in the power and hit points of the individual character. Never mind that Cao Cao is a sinister Machiavellian plotter with no morals as long as he has a greater power and stronger hit points and is likely to win a mortal combat duel, he is the “hero”. I am aghast to hear this. What are we doing to the kids? What are we trying to do with our future generations? Are we creating morons out of them? Worst, probably even devoid of morality. Damn! This is personal. I don’t care if they derided Star Wars or even twist Star Trek, its fiction but this is history! It’s the soul of a nation, their collective identity and it is a mortal sin, correction, a sacrilege whose punishment is eternal damnation to even twist it! I’d think I got to write and complain to those asshole on what they are doing. After listening to this, I tried to take him away from his dependence on Nintendo or Sega by teaching him something else. I first introduce him to my small hobby called reading. Starting with the storybooks of famous people in history, which his mother gave to me when I was his age. To my disappointment, he is not interested in it. Apparently, he has no genetic disposition for unlocking the hidden secrets of the universe. And so, I do the next best thing, I thought him how to play chess, Chinese chess and Chinese checkers. We did play a couple of games though and I was elated to see him getting interested in it though I doubt it if he would eventually get hitch to it since nobody is going to play with him when he gets back to Taiwan. Next, I try to have a decent conversation with him. As I mentioned, I really don’t know what to talk about with him and so I picked the oldest topic that men could readily agree and understand, women or for him, girls. He is after all, a guy. I ask him if he has a crush in his third grade class. To which he answered no. However, I was rather surprised that he or his entire male classmates hates the girls in class. I asked him why and he said that the girls are mean as in very mean. In fact, he calls one of the girls as “mu lao hu” (Mandarin for lioness or to be more precise, the mother lioness). According to him, the girls would always play a prank upon the boys and when the boys return in favor, the girls wouldn’t hesitate to run to the teacher (who happens to be a very “old” lady) and tell. The teacher would then punish the entire male students with extra assignments, detention, or a prolonged sermon. Talk about gender biases and equality. My cousin was so agitated with the story telling that he quipped that he wanted to give one of the girls a knuckle sandwich for being bitchy and mean. I would have sided with my cousin if the person in question were a little guy like my cousin but being the perfect gentlemen that I am, I counseled him otherwise. I told him to be nice to the womenfolk and that men like us should be loving them instead of trying to get even. I advice him that if he wanted the women to be nice to him, he should approach the girl and compliment her by saying that she is beautiful and she reminds him of his mother. Or if he wants to impress the girl, he could say in English, “Hey baby, you are beautiful.” Well, of course, I’m expecting too much from my cousin. He is still too young to understand the intricacies of flattering women and become a young Romeo over night or was he? It came as a shock for me to hear my cousin saying that one of the girls became nice when she had a boyfriend. Damn! Am I hearing right? 8 year olds having boy friend and girl friend relationship? Is that normal? Or for that matter. Is it legal? My jaws just dropped and remained open for like eternity upon hearing him tell the story. Damn, was I getting old? No, in fact, I am very, very old already as in grandfatherly old. At any rate, I got so vexed or should I say extremely traumatized by the news that I decided to drop the topic altogether and flip the channel switch and out comes Popeye in the tube. Good thing there is TV and good thing there is Popeye. My cousin got glued to it instantly and I was able to extricate myself from the mess. I had since then reminded myself not to talk about girls with my cousin at least until he turns 18. Damn, I feel so old. Well anyway, my cousin and I didn’t just watch TV, play chess, or talk about girls during his stay here. We manage to play some sports. Actually, my brother and sister got to play sports with him. They started by taking him to a badminton court and taught him how to play. He got so hooked to the game that he refuses to leave the court and when he did leave, he kept on nagging me to play with him at home, which I obliged of course. My brother and sister also took him to a sport shop and let him play basketball for a while inside the store. We also manage to play bowling ball. At first, the little guy is so enthusiastic and cheerful about it even though he consistently didn’t manage to hit anything with an occasional strike in between. He even told me that it is just a game and there is nothing to feel bad about it. I had to say I admired the little guy’s spirit. However, as the game wore on and the score piled and he getting the consistent zeroes in his game. His mood changed. His spirit sank and his cheerful demeanor is gone. What I saw was the first telltale sign of adult frustration, exasperation, and disappointment. It crushed me as it crushed him to actually see him like that. His head is bowed, his shoulder sags, and he lost all will to continue. Damn, what I have done? I let the little guy down. Of course, I did coach him what to do but I wasn’t a good player myself and I’m a terrible coach. At the end of the game, I try to pull him out of the room but he insisted on playing again for revenge, I think. His mother was adamant not to continue but I can’t let the little guy down at least not giving him a chance to fight. So I obliged and play another game, I even let him played my slot so he could practice as I continue to coach him. I jump from my seat and cheer him up whenever he hits a pin, even if it is just a single pin. In the end, the outcome is the same. Apparently, his arms are sore even if refuses to admit it and that affected his game. The cloud is over at his head and the weight of the world is on his shoulder. Poor kid. As we walked out of the alley, I told him that his father is actually a better bowler than I am. Amazingly, he looked at me surprised and asked if it is true. I affirmed it in an instant and actually told him to ask his father to teach him how to play bowling when he got back to Taiwan. I also told him to eat a lot especially vegetables so that he could grow strong and come back next year for a rematch. After saying that, I saw a lit in his face, a glimmer of hope. Ah yes, hope. Wasn’t that what the youth stands for? I missed the little guy already. He is probably having a blast at Tokyo Disneyland as of now. Wasting time away enjoying life and having fun, as should all 8 years old should be doing. I never have that much fun when I was 8 but that was in the past. I had a standing offer from my aunt to accompany the little guy to Hong Kong Disneyland this coming October. Honestly speaking, I’m too old to be asking for Mickey’s autograph as well as too busy to actually squeeze a trip there but the thought of riding with the little guy on a roller coaster. Well, I got to find time to actually visit Disneyland. After all, you could only be 8 year old once, right?

Unrequited Love

Sometime ago I got news that one of the women I’d loved has finally got a boyfriend. The news came as a surprise to me but I somehow expected it after all she is at a “marrying age” already. I wouldn’t say that I’m devastated by the news but somehow I am “affected” by it. Truth to tell, I shouldn’t feel anything at all since I decided a long time ago to give up on her but as it happened, I still do because I still and do love her. She was an old classmate of mine. She is the type of woman that nobody would notice at all. The archetypal “average” Eve. She was neither the prettiest nor the brightest and certainly not the most popular in our batch but just one of the dames. Like all other men, I also fail to notice her until one fateful day on our classmate’s wedding day. That day was a very bad day for me, for the night before; I got a death threat from a prank caller. Although I’d dismissed the call as a prank, I can’t help but felt disturbed and unease for the anonymous caller threatened to kill everyone in my household. I don’t know who he is and I was suspecting everyone who bore a grudge against my family or me. At any rate, I didn’t put at heart the matter until the following morning when the prank called again and repeated the threat. I was outraged and fortunately for me, I had installed a caller ID and immediately, I called the police, which promptly investigate the matter and closed the case. It turns out to be a real prank and the asshole is a deranged wacko. Anyway, I was in a heightened state of alert at that time. I was outraged and acted like a madman ready for the kill. Tension filled the atmosphere at home while the investigation is under way. In short, it was really a very, very bad day for me to the extent that I planned to cancel my attendance to the wedding reception. Eventually, my mother prevailed me to go and I did although under intense caution and under a cloud. I got the reception too early, even way ahead of the organizers. I sat there at the table feeling gloomy and seething in anger as the organizers arrived and as the guest trickle in. I don’t know what make me turn my head towards my back but as I did, I thought I saw an angel, a beautiful angel waling towards me. I didn’t recognize her but she literally took my breath away and my heart as well. She was like a ray of sunshine that break the dawn and usher a great sunny day. I was floored to discover that it was her, my classmate. I was stumped to realize that it was she; the angel that I wanted to believe that there is a God indeed. I was also stumped to realize that I’m a big, big asshole not to “see” her before. After all, I did danced with her in one of the school plays. How stupid could a guy be? She sat beside me that evening and we chatted the night away. My mood changed instantly that night and I was bubbly and cheerful. I complimented her on her beauty more than once that evening. Funny, I couldn’t remember what I wore that night or what I’d said either but I still could vividly remember how she looked. She was lovely, correction stunning. Her eyes looked tired and her face looked pale kind of remind me of the fair Maria Clara. She wore a strapless dark violet gown with golden leaf embroideries capped with a shawl. She possesses the lady charm that men find irresistible. I know because I couldn’t sleep that night and for the rest of the week as well thinking about her. I dreamed about her that week and some nights thereafter. That alone was enough to make me call her but I didn’t. I hesitated because I thought back then that this ain’t love but an infatuation. I was attracted or more like mesmerized and entranced by her beauty. It will go away after sometime. As it turned out, after a year, I still can’t get over with her. Why I even waited for a year to confirm my feelings? Well, she has the same name and family name as my ex and I’m very much in love with my ex even up to this day although she is already married. I fear that I’m falling for her not because of her but because of my ex. And I couldn’t believe myself that I got off a relationship with my ex and only fall for her surrogate who doesn’t even remotely resemble her. At any length, the most beautiful name I heard was also the most painful one to remember. My classmate and I eventually met up at some party. Though she doesn’t looked that stunning, I still felt something for her. It is love actually, confirmed and validated. I wasted no time to call her up and chat with her and ask her out eventually. I was however rejected not once but twice and in the last one, she flatly told me that she wouldn’t be available for the next couple of weeks. I was absolutely stunned! She never had a boyfriend before and she isn’t seeing somebody then. I may not be the most handsome man but do I look that repulsive to warrant a rejection? Well, I figured that I needed to take things slowly and so I continue my calls and resolved to get to know her better. I was to know every minor details of her that only somebody so intensely in love would venture to do. It came to past that I know her likes and dislikes, her favorite food, her family, nuclear and extended, her friends, her birthday, her wish. I also “research” on her. I took out my yearbook and try to find any info about her. I also manage to read one of her compositions. And when I know these things, I resolve to know it by heart and not through the aid of a diary or an electronic record. I was however totally disappointed. Here I am, trying to get to know her. Asking her questions about her and all I got was a short answer to my query. No follow ups, no meaningful conversation on any topic except for her favorite heartthrob, which I think is a lousy actor. She never ventured to ask anything about me or even attempt to know me not even a complimentary reply of “How are you today?” whenever I’d inquired her about her day. It came to pass that I concluded that she wasn’t interested in me and that I was a fool to even waste my time on such a worthless endeavor. I gave up but that wasn’t the end of it. Some time has passed when I got a call from an eighty – year old guy. He called to thank my mother or more appropriately to thank my grandmother who was dead way before I was born. He wanted to thank my grandmother for supporting him in his bid for my grand aunt’s hand. He was successful in his quest but it was short lived for my grand aunt died due to difficult labor. Nevertheless, he just wanted to say thank you as part of an old man’s quest for peace before his great departure. I was moved by his effort and asked myself would I wait till 80 and tell her that I actually loved her? Or tell her that maybe in the next life if there is one, we could be together finally. Wouldn’t that be too late already? She might be dead by then or worst, I may no longer be there. I couldn’t sleep that night thinking what would be like 20 – 30 years from now. Would she still be an old maid waiting for her Romeo knocking her door? Would I wake up one night sometime in my late 40s wondering whether or not I married the right woman? It was a stupid idea. Here I am speculating about a future waiting to happen but haven’t happened yet and there she is waiting. The next day, I decided to try once more. I text her, I called her. However, this time, things just got worst. She avoided me, making all the excuse. She rarely replied my messages and if she did, it was always short. I never get to say what I’ve felt. Never have the chance. Things drag on for a while when I finally decided to give up permanently. For a brief moments afterwards, I was angry. For how could she do that to me? Rejecting me while all along she was looking for someone. Then, I realized that how could I be angry at the one I professed to love? Was it because I didn’t get what I want and I’m angry for not getting it? If that is so, then I’m a possessive guy and I don’t deserve to love or be loved at all. Sometimes one has to continue to love even if love has forsaken you. Love doesn’t change because she doesn’t love you back or for some reason, you didn’t end up together. Love is all about giving and expects nothing back in return. Its sound cliché but it’s true. Love is all bliss when one is in the midst of it and a terrible burden to carry especially when one is alone carrying it. I’m willing to carry it. I decided that I’m going to still love her even though she didn’t. I may have given up pursuing her but I’m not going to forget her. That was centuries ago. And since then, I still manage to chat with her from time to time trying to find out how she was doing. I greeted her in all special occasions and on her birthday as well. I don’t want to be presumptuous but probably I’m the only guy outside her family to remember her birthday. And now, she has finally found someone. It was bittersweet to me. It was sweet because I no longer had to worry that she is going to be an old maid someday. It was bitter because I am not the one. I did congratulate her and wish her that she may finally found her happiness and that she may end up with her man and live happily ever after. Other than that, I harbor no ill will or any illusions. I only have a love that I will carry to my grave.

CHINESE VALENTINES DAY

I just got a thoughtful text from a lady friend reminding me that today is Chinese Valentines day or so its equivalent. I remember the folklore behind this day. My mother used to tell me about it and I came to read about it sometime later. The story is quite sad actually but nevertheless quite romantic. According to legend, there was a beautiful weaver goddess who resided in the heavenly court. She weaves the clothes for the gods and chief among them is the Jade Emperor of Heaven. One day, during her free time, the goddess descended down to earth to play, perhaps she is having a vacation, after all heaven could be monotonous and boring at times. According to one version, she was wandering around the field and saw a beautiful lake. She was so attracted to it that she took a nice cool bath in it. Oblivious to her, was that nearby; there was a shepherd tending to his flock of cows. One of the younglings strayed and went to the nearby lake and the shepherd followed only to discover the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He was stunned and dumbfounded as the goddess was engrossed in her bath. Eventually the goddess turned around to find the awkward situation and instantly turned beet red due to her nakedness. The man felt ashamed for his act even though it happened by accident and he did the only thing that would redeem a woman’s chastity, he proposes. The goddess consented and they swore to heaven about their eternal love and copulate. They could have lived a happy life and things could have a fairy tale ending if both of them are mere mortals. Alas, fate always manages to dampen a fairy tale. The absence of the weaver has caused a shortage of clothes in the heavenly kingdom and the Emperor has ordered the search and arrest of the weaver for dereliction of her duty. However, the Emperor’s anger grew into rage upon learning of the affair, for it is an abomination for a mortal to wed such a perfect soul. As such, the Emperor ordered his generals to forcibly separate the wife from her husband and brought her back to her cottage to serve her punishment. Her freedom would be deprived and she would be made to weave forever. The army of heaven bore down on the poor couple and she was torn away from the arms of her love. He wailed, he cried, he called out her name but to no avail. For what is one man against the will of heaven? But his cries were not made in vain, for one of the immortals came to his aid, apparently moved by his love. He was given a pill so that he too could ascend and chase after the heavenly host and reclaim his wife even though he stood no chance of success. And he did. He pursued the army of heaven and his wife, crying out her name along the way. The soldiers could have attacked him and killed him but his love was so great that it shook every immortal in heaven and the Emperor has no recourse but to desist from the attack but the Emperor refuses to give up the weaver for it is a matter of high importance. As such, the Emperor threw his arm and caused a great river of stars to divide the two lovers, one on each side of that starry river crying out for the other. Alas, a barrier insurmountable has been formed and there is nothing both could do. The weaver came back to her cottage but she refused to weave. She couldn’t, for she was thinking about her husband and she washes her face in tears day in day out, if time ever hold such meaning to immortals like her. The Emperor seeing such predicament relented but didn’t give her up entirely. He decreed that at midnight on the 7th day of the 7th month of the lunar year, both lovers would have their one brief chance to see each other. After which they would be once again be physically separated by the stars though connected by the bond of their love they had for each other. She would then work for the Emperor and if she fulfills her job, the Emperor would continue to honor the arrangement. The two lovers agree to this arrangement, for what choice do they have? And on the appointed day, the two lovers came to the shores of that great divide and suddenly a flock of swan flew past them forming a great bridge. The moment has come and they both embraced each other. So many things to say, so many sweet nothings to whisper but so short a time. The only thing they could do is to hold each other, profess their love, and renew their vows. Then the ground shake and their feet gave way and the birds flew away. They are separated again. Each on both sides of the river looking at each other, trying to remember what each looked like for they would never see each other again till next autumn. Slowly, they reluctantly left and each went back to their ways, the shepherd to his herd and the goddess to her chores. It is raining hard here. Too bad, for I would have search the sky for that two bright stars separated by that great river as pointed out by my mother when I was young. Their souls has since then transformed into the two bright luminescence. I always wanted to see the floating white bridge between the stars but then again it’s just a fairy tale and only fools believed in fairy tales. Perhaps, I’m a fool.

STEVE JOBS

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005 at Stanford University. I got this text from a fellow MBA classmate. She emailed all her classmate as part of comradery among graduates to be and I find this text inspiring. I just wish that someday when its my turn to walk up the podium and receive my honorary degree, I would be able to tell my own story story and inspire the graduates to be just like what Steve does with me.

"I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much."

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how ways lead on to ways,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

__________________________________

I had started my journey down the road that I have chosen.

And I can't wait to seewhat lies up ahead

And find out where it lead up to.

But there are times I wonder

Whether that in my eagerness,

I walked too fast to enjoy the scenery.

I looked back and tried to remember

The open green meadow, bading me to stop

To lie down, smell the flowers, listen to the bird chirps

And watched the day passed and turn into night;

And count the stars

And sing the lullaby with the moon.

And close my eyes and dream the most wonderful dream.

Or even wonder what the other road holds.

Then I woke up with the sun dazzling my eyes and pointing me the way down the road.

I picked myself up and looked back at my trail,

Smiled at the memories

And continue my way down the road,

Towards the path that I've chosen.

Knowing that an equally fine lot is waiting along the way

And maybe this time, I shall linger awhile.

A Manifesto of our Commitment

I wrote this piece as a Christmas gift and a tribute as well from our MBA class to our Strategic Management professor, Elfren Cruz, a great man who I considered my mentor. This article came out in his column in BusinessWorld dated January 15,2002 under the title, “Why I Teach”. I had since taken this commitment as a pledge to a mentor, a debt that I would repay back in due time.

In the beginning, we all have dreams. It is this dream that led us to De La Salle University and MBA. Because we believed that we lack the skills and knowledge to help us achieve our dreams and we believed that in this institution, we can learn those skills and knowledge. We were willing and bale to endure all the sleepless nights, the pressure of balancing study and work, and braving through the tortuous traffic simply, because we wanted to achieve our dreams and that was all we know. We never knew of a higher calling or purpose until we took up your subject (Strategic Management). Like all of us, you also have a dream or in your business parlance, a vision. Your vision is a Philippines where no Filipino goes hungry or seen begging in the streets. Every Juan or Eva would have a decent job and lived a prosperous and dignified life. Everywhere Filipinos go, they will hold their heads high and proud of their heritage and race and not being look down upon by other races and people. To achieve this vision, you devise a strategy. Again borrowing from your word, reengineer the elite, specifically, the future elite which in this case is all of us, your student. By helping us to develop the skills, you would help us succeed in our career and make our companies more profitable and in the process, we would be hiring more people, generate employment and thus improve the lives of millions of poor Filipinos. By teaching us the frameworks to analyze our companies and making them more competitive, we would be making the Philippines competitive as well, since, the economy is but the aggregate sum of all the companies in the country. For that notable goal, you have our most sincere respect from the bottom of hearts. Before we came to class, we know only our dreams but now, thanks to you we have a vision. For this, we want to offer you, our heartfelt appreciation for what you did for us and for your noble goals, we cannot find a more appropriate response than to pledge our solemn commitment to your vision and to do all we can to improve the performance of our respective companies and in turn contribute to the national economic development. We pledge this with our heart and soul.

From the class of GSTRAMA, 2nd term, 2001 – 2002, Monday class.

My Contract

I wrote a contract when I was 20 years old. Back then; I was young, eager, and restless. It was written in Chinese. The contract I wrote is about a promise. It is a promise to myself, more aptly, a promise to my then future self, 10 years after. In that contract, I wrote that I don’t want to be stuck in my parent’s crummy old factory and watch over it till my demise. Instead, I vowed to use every strength, every courage, and ability that I possessed to remedy the situation in such a way that 10 years after, I would become a man respected for his effort, for his ability and become a leader of a community. Furthermore, I promised my future self that this would not be a dream at all nor would it be a wishful thinking but a reality that I could expect to live in when I am 30. I even signed the contract against my future self to seal the pact. I kept that contract in my wallet to constantly remind me of my task. I have since lost the contract when my wallet was stolen. However, the spirit of the contract lives on in me. I was driven to excel, driven to do my outmost best and when my best fell short due to my lack of skill, I strove to remedy it by taking up further studies, only to find that I already had what it takes to succeed. I only lack the confidence and the mindset to do what it needed to be done. Eleven years later, I have failed to realize my obligation but somehow I didn’t despair rather I felt superbly good about myself. This is because I now felt confident and capable to realize my dream into a reality but I need more time to make it real. The rashness of my youth has given way to the patience of my age. One cannot turn into a billionaire over night. It takes time and patience. Trifles and trials, challenges and mistakes. Rome isn’t built in a day. Nonetheless, I still bound myself to my oath. I renewed my contract last year and this time, I know I can do it and I just wanted to say to my 40 year old self; relax and go get a Caribbean holiday for a job well done.

THE CONTRACT

July 26,2004
(Translated from Chinese)

Ten years has already passed and the obligation stipulated in the contract wasn’t realized as promised. However, the actions and effort taken in the past ten years were not for naught for it had tremendously helped in the advancement toward the realization of the promise and in effect brought the dream closer to reality. More time is needed.
Therefore, on this day, July 26,2004, I (name) again promised myself ten years after that I would exert my greatest effort to become a very successful businessman, to become a leader of the community, a well - respected man whose life would be told as a legend by the great many and not a man who is stuck in a dilapidated factory without hope or salvation till my own death.
Again, I would want to reassure my future self of a reality and not just a fancy dream made during a daytime nap. This I promise to make it happen!

Signed

(Name) July 26,2004

Signed

(Name) July 26,2014

On Being 31

The first 10 years of my life, I wither away my time questioning the world around me, wondering who I am or what I’m going to be, and dreaming what I could be. I spent the next 10 years learning. Learning how to read the treasures of the world. Learning to write what I think, what I feel and count the stars that illuminates my dreams at night. I however, still dream and I still wonder. By the third decade of my life, I wander around to discover the world around me. Learning what still needed to be learned. And I still dream but only by this time, I no longer wonder because my dream has finally taken shape. The road was clear to me now although I still can’t see what lies beyond the distance. At 20, I dream that someday I would be able to enter the sacred hall of great men and women. Perhaps trembling as I walked to that hollowed stage in the center of that great hall surrounded by those illustrious forbearers and submitting myself to their judgment and scrutiny. They would review my victories and my success while studying my faults, my mistakes, and my defeats in great detail. They would question my character and overly criticized my short – comings. They would then weighed whether or not my efforts have serve to improve the lots of Man and bring him closer to his destiny or have I irreparably retarded his progress towards his full potential. And at the end of the day, I would be saluted and applauded by these great audience for a life well lived and they would deemed me worthy to be admitted to their ranks and acknowledge me as their peer and asked me to take my rightful place amongst them in the annals of mankind. That is my dream however improbable but I never thought it impossible. Nevertheless, it is a dream that I must realize and one that I must prepare for. It is for this reason that I need to learn the crafts and skills not only to survive in this world but also to realize my dream. And this is how I spend the third decade of my life. Now I’m entering the fourth decade of my existence and I’m taking my first step towards a journey in realizing my dream so that by the fifth decade, my dream would have a solid foundation and would begin to materialize. And by my sixth decade, my dream would be a reality and the world will look like the picture that I have framed in my mind when I was young. And by my seventh decade, I would be a model for the next generation to emulate and four score years after my birth, I hope to become an example of a worthy life for posterity. And then and only then, I would close my eyes and vanished into nothingness……… Today, I turn 31 and as I looked forward, I see the path of my journey will be wrought with trials and challenges but I can overcome them and I must overcome them. And in the course of my journey, I may waver and I may question my decision as to the path I have taken but I will hold my ground for I need to. Today, I celebrate my journey for the past 31 years and I toast to long road ahead to my dream. Cheers to life and to dreams.

On Being 30

I wrote this when I turned 30 last year.

As I turned 30, I couldn't help but looked back at the past. The past 30 years are the incredible learning years of my life. It was also a time of robbed happiness, challenges, and truimphs. I wish it could be different and better but that was in the past, no use in complaining. Now, at 30, I'm facing the future. Looking forward to what the next 30 years of my life would be. The next 30 years would be the productive years of my life. It is at this years that I will achieve my greatest accomplishments. It is at this years that I will leave behind my legacy. There will be challenges but I can overcome them because I have prepared myself for it in terms of skills and capabilities. There will be trials but I would overcome them because I'm determined to see it through and I will not be stopped by it. Now, at 30, I'm more than prepared for my next 30 years. I'm ready for life. Today I celebrate my birth! Today, I celebrate my renewal! Life begins Now!

SEVEN AGES OF MAN by William Shakespeare

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.
Then, the whining schoolboy, with his satchel
And shinning morning face, creeping like snail
Unwilling to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. In the sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slippered pantaloon
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shrank, and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

The Martyr Wife

Behind every successful man is a woman. How true is this phrase. I read a newspaper article today about the life of Chen Cuifen, the “mistress” of Dr. Sun Yat Sen, the father of modern Republican China. The tag “mistress” is actually misleading. It is a western description of the relationship between Madame Chen and Dr. Sun. In reality, pre – republican Chinese men practices polygamy and Chinese law allows concubinage for reasons of propagation of offspring. In essence, mdm Chen is but Dr. Sun’s concubine and not a mistress. The reasons I took interest in her life story is because as a historian, I’m fascinated with her unheralded importance to the cause of the Chinese revolution that led to the overthrow of the Imperial regime and also because as a romantic, I can’t help but praise her devotion to her man in helping him achieve his goal and at the same time, felt indignant and betrayed over her obscure fate and unfair treatment. I couldn’t accept that how could a man of Dr. Sun’s stature would “leave” a woman who he profess to love and who has helped him so much, once he came to power. I guess it is but the expediency of realpolitik. Chen Cuifen was born on September 29, 1874 in Hong Kong. The fourth child of a poor traditional Chinese doctor, she was orphaned at a young age and as a result, wasn’t able to attend schooling and was illiterate throughout her entire life. She first met Sun when she was 19 through a common friend inside a church. Sun then was still finishing his medical studies and was already married by then but the two later on eloped. By the time Sun graduated, he began organizing a revolutionary association and traveled to America and other countries to solicit aid from overseas Chinese. Mdm Chen accompanied him in all his travels. Eventually, both returned to China where Sun started his practice while secretly plot to overthrow the regime while she became his nurse at his clinic as well as his secretary and confidante. She also helped Sun in smuggling guns to the various revolutionary groups all over the country for the eventual uprising since women were considered politically harmless at that time. When the uprising failed, she embarked with her husband to foreign exile, soliciting overseas Chinese support and organizing revolutionary groups. One time, while in London, Dr. Sun was kidnapped by the Chinese consul and was detained for treason. She was the one who went to see her husband’s friends and compatriots in order to appeal the British government to pressure the imperial regime to release Dr. Sun. She succeeded. Soon thereafter, the couple settled in Japan and there she became the gracious hostess to the numerous patriots who flee from persecution and seek her husband’s leadership. While the men plot, she was the one who cook for them, wash their clothes, arrange their accommodation. She even helped print the pamphlets, and organized secret communications. Untiring, patient and never to complain, she is also unassuming. Once, people praised her for her invaluable effort and she is said to reply that she didn’t do much but simply cooks and washes clothes. And what a cook she is, for in later uprisings, she risks her own life to ensure that the patriots are well fed and supported in the battlefield. When the regime was overthrown and her husband came to power, she disappeared from the limelight having left for Malaysia in a voluntary exile. Her husband had divorced his first wife and had just married the eldest daughter of the wealthy Soong family. The Soong sisters, of which the famous Soong Meiling, the wife generalissimo Chiang Kai Shek belongs, are not only wealthy, young, and beautiful but they are also American educated and politically well – connected. They are the things that a new fragile regime would seek. In contrast, mdm Chen is illiterate and doesn’t have a strong political backing. Years later, when somebody protested about her shabby treatment, she is said to have defended her husband saying that she is the one who left him and not the other way around for she is not fit to be his “wife” or more aptly, a public wife because she is illiterate and ignorant of the ways of the world. During her “exile” in Malaysia, the local Chinese took care of her since she was the revered “wife” of the great Sun Yat Sen. Having no child of her own, she adopted a daughter and named her Sun Rong in memory of the precious time she has with her husband. In 1924, upon hearing the news of the death of her husband, mdm Chen broke down in tears and mourned his passing deeply until her demise. Later on in her life, she was brought to Hong Kong and taken care of by Dr. Sun’s son by his first wife. She died in 1960 in Hong Kong in obscurity. I felt ashamed after reading her story because as a historian I should have known better. It is people like her that deserve to be written in the annals, to be praised in the history books, to be a role model for generations to come. But alas, her memory was obscured because of the fame of Dr. Sun’s third wife and because of her lowly status. Lucky bastard (Dr. Sun Yat Sen)! Some guys do have all the luck. If I were Sun, I wouldn’t give her up even for political expediency. I would have kept her at my side and announce to the whole wide world that what a great woman she is. But then again, I’m not him and everything is already history. Behind every successful man is a woman. How true, how true!

My (mini) Library, Part 3

If the books a person read could tell what kind of a person he or she is, then I’m an obsessive – compulsive book buyer who never manages to read the books that I’ve bought. I can’t help it. Just a few Sundays ago, I again bought 2 books, bargain books. “Man or Superman” by George Bernard Shaw and “Consumer Behavior”. I paid 400 pesos for the two books. Nice bargain for books that used to cost thousands. However, I had to slug it out with desperate moms and frenzied teenagers, who are buying books and supplies for school the following Monday. Sometimes, I wonder myself why I buy books and go great lengths in buying books. It is perhaps due to my desire to improve on myself. I know my shortcomings and I know what I lack and I make it up with reading to gain insights and discover techniques to become “better”. Well, that’s for most of my books. Some of my books are purely for my entertainment. Exciting my imagination. Still, other books are there mainly to uplift the level of my intellect and understanding as well as satisfy my curiosity. Business books belong to the self – improvement categories. Let me see aside from general management and marketing books, I also have finance books. These include among others the standard finance textbooks that I used in business school, Foundation of Financial Management, Fundamentals of Corporate Finance, Financial Management in Philippine Setting, and Bond Markets, Analysis and Strategies written by Fabozzi, the so – called “Bible” of bonds trading. I bought the latter because I took a course on bonds trading out of “greed”. I’m always fascinated by easy money were made in the financial markets but it is actually harder than I thought. In relation to that, I’ve bought a book on understanding financial news. I also happen to own two books on Philippine commercial banking. I guess I wanted to own a bank someday, which is why I bought it in the first place. Unfortunately, I haven’t read it. Probably, I would if I’m actually running a bank. I also have business law books in my collection. Labor laws, tax laws and contract laws, I could hardly understand those but they are quite handy when it comes to facing tax and labor cases. Most of the newest books I’d accumulate are the operations management books. Let me see I recently bought two quality management books, the Harvard business book, Managing Value Chain, Transforming the Supply Chain, which is a supply chain management book, the book Mass Customization, a revolutionary manufacturing process that I encountered years ago in business school. The gist of the book is how to employ cost effective mass production techniques in producing one unique product. It was an amazing concept but I haven’t read the details of going about it. There is also Logistic and Retail Management, which talks about leveraging logistics solutions in managing inventories of a retail organization. Last I heard, it was the secret to Wal – Mart’s success. Another book, The Call Center Handbook, a step to step guide to setting – up and operating a call center. Similar to this are the books on restaurant management, tourism management, and designing and maintaining a web site. My older books in this collection included a book on warehousing, product designing, and the standard operation management textbooks. It is not only books that I kept. I also have a large stack of magazines, mostly Newsweek, Time, The Economists, Fortune, Entreprenuer, and last but not the least, FHM! I also read three newspapers a day, BusinessWorld, Philippine Daily Inquirer, and World News (a Chinese newspaper). However, I would admit to having a hard time to read all of it. I also manage to download articles from the internet. At the moment, the collection is about 300Mb. There are mostly history articles and about 5 virtual “books” on history. I had histories of China, Rome, Byzantine, Europe, Egypt, Spain, France, Japan, Bulgaria, and Islam plus royal genealogies. I also downloaded health related articles on cholesterol, food pyramids, exercises, and sleeping disorders (I’m an insomniac). I also have books on certain industry statistics as well as economic statistics for business decision purposes. It may seem funny and overly stupid but I still felt that my library isn’t “complete” yet even though that I have so many books waiting to be open much less read. Well, as I said, I had this urge to learn more and improve myself as well as fascinate my imagination. Base on my current evaluation of myself, I still need to “improve” my understanding of the financial markets, which is why I’m tempted to buy Graham’s book on security analysis, dubbed as the “holy bible” of stock investing. Why, even Warren Buffet studied it. In relation to that, I might pick up a book on Warren Buffet, the world’s greatest stock picker. I’m also on a look out for Isaac Asimov’s classic, the Foundation series. I heard that it is many times intriguing compared to Star Wars. I also wanted to buy a book on classical music since I’m into “understanding” classical music. There is also a business book that I’m hunting for. It is about “influencers”. The idea of the book is that there is a noisy minority in this world that dictates what the majority buys, eats, or thinks and how should businesses recognize and “convince” these “influencers” to patronize them. Sounds pretty interesting but unfortunately, I couldn’t find the book anymore. But that doesn’t worry me much because the books that I really wanted to buy are history books. Any history books and they are available but I couldn’t “afford” them. These books costs at least 2,000 pesos up and I always felt that sum is better invested in business books. Hahhhhhhhh……. If I could have one wish, I would wish that I would have enough money to buy me all the books I want even though I couldn’t read all of them and that I would also built a specially dedicated room, a library to house my collection but for now, my bedroom is my library.


P.S. If you have any books that you want to recommend to me, please email me or if your interested in one of my books, you can ask me about it or if you wanted to know how “good” a book that you’re planning to buy, don’t hesitate email me. I’m more than happy to help out.

The Day of Reckoning - Simply Unthinkable!

I got my blood test results today (I've been getting one every year for the last 3 years). The result showed that I'm healthy and a tad better than last year with threats to worry about. Specifically, I made a test on B.U.N. and creatine to check on my kidney function and they are within limits, e.g., my kidney is functioning normally. I test for my blood sugar with True Glucose and this year, it was an improvement compared to last year when my sugar level is near the critical limit. This year, the value is somewhere in the middle. Transaminase tests are also made (SGPT and SGOT) to test my liver function and my internal organ function showed that I don't have a problem at all. My cholesterol level also improved this year as my result veered away from the critical limits however, the result also indicate that my cholesterol level is still at a high level. However, compared to last year where my cholesterol level is near the critical limit, this is actually good. Apparently, my exercise regime is paying off. What is disturbing is that my lipoprotein breakdown or my cholesterol make up (which I didn't made a test for last year) showed that I have a dangerously high level of VLDL (very low density lipoprotein) and a high level of LDL though the latter doesn't exceed the critical limit. What these value suggests are that I have a high level of bad cholesterol in my blood and although my overall cholesterol isn't high, it is nevertheless not a good sign. Probably in consonant to that, my triglyceride level also exceeds the limit. I remember having an ultrasound last year on my liver and the doctor told me that I have fatty livers. In layman's term, I have a very good chance of getting a heart attack somewhere in my middle age, whatever that age is. Damn! I did make some changes in my lifestyle a few years back and it seems that I had to do more changes. I bought a treadmill at home so that I could exercise anytime in the day without the hassles of going several kilometers to a gym. I started drinking tea. I started to eat less (though still debatable on what constitute as less), I started eating greens like salads, I try to control my temper and de-stresss by listening to classical music and by writing blogs. " ). Now, I think I had to become a vegetarian, which I dreaded too much because I'm a meat lover. Aside from that, vegetable didn't taste that good. Its not that I hate vegetable but I hate bland vegetable cooking style. I like to eat vegetable meals from the local vegetarian food store. Unfortunately, the nearest store is in Chinatown. Also, I had to regularized my habit of tea drinking. Not that I'm complaining but sometimes temperatures are so hot here in the tropics that I just want to gulp a liter of ice cold COKE or eat restaurant meals with Coke. I also have to exercise more regularly. Currently, I'm regularly exercising three times a week for an hour each time. Lately though, I admit to being lax due to heavy academic and work loads and there is also the good old laziness to justify skipping exercise. Now, I think I had to make exercise an everyday affair. I also had to de-stress more effectively than before. Maybe meditation and yoga? Nah, I'll probably take up some "patience" building hobbies like calligraphy or painting. Maybe I should write blogs daily, if it could help reduce the stress. Hah! Imagine me, a vegetarian, yoga practitioner. Simply unthinkable. I had a joke once when I was young. I said that I had to enjoy as much as possible eating meat and virtually "pigging" it out on the couch or bed afterwards because there will come a time when I could no longer be able to do so. It seems that day of reckoning is here, now! Sigh....... Well, I could just ignore it, live the way as it is and let the whole thing run its course in due time but can I? It is not that I'm afraid of death and that I will do anything to avoid it. Rather, I'm afraid of living a meaningless life and dying an unmournful death. I need more time to do what I want to do and achieve what I set out to do. And if I had to be a vegetarian, yoga practitioner to gain more time and live past middle age, which in the end could help me achieve what I wanted, well, I will do it. Except, I still can't imagine myself being a vegetarian, yoga practitioner. Simply unthinkable!

My (mini) Library – Part 2

I had this professor once in macroeconomics who owns this beautiful house inside an exclusive subdivision. And in a corner of his living room is a chair surrounded by two sides with books. The two walls are filled with something like 500 to 1000 books and none of them are textbooks. I was there during our class Christmas party. Now, when I try to remember the event, I can’t help it but laugh at myself. This is because instead of mingling with my classmates or even just simply admiring my professor’s lovely daughter. I was busy reading the autobiography of the legendary Lee Iococa (I know I sounded like a stupid nerd). Not only that, I was also like drooling over at his collection and in fact, I would admit to being envious of his library. Honestly, I would like to have something of a semblance of his library. Maybe I should transform my bedroom into a library and sleep with my books. Anyway, it was here that I met the legendary Lee Iococa. I only manage to read a few pages of his autobiography but it was enough to convince me that he is a great CEO worthy of my adulation. The story of Lee Iococa was about how he manages to turnaround the bankrupt Chrysler in 3 years and transforms it into America’s third largest auto company. So good was that book that I finally bought it early this year during a book sale (I go bargain hunting for good books). My other books on biographies of legendary CEOs included “Jack, Straight From the Gut”, which was easily one of my favorite books and one that I actually finished reading. I consider Jack Welch as my idol. Who could actually beat a guy like Jack? Jack manages to post double - digit growth every year in his stint as the CEO of GE and manages to grow the company from a revenue base of $13 billion to $130 billion in 10 years (?). He also made GE into the world’s most valuable company with market value of over $400 billion. I wish I could do that or better, beat his record. Then there is the book, “Who Say Elephants Can’t Dance”, a Louis Gestner biography on his stint as CEO of IBM. I didn’t finish the book but I read 75% of it. What can I say? Louis knows his industry pretty well. He is also a great turnaround leader and a great change manager who transform the slow foot goliath that is IBM into what it is right now, a menacing behemoth. Well, rounding up my collection of business biographies are books written by Peter Lynch, “One Up on Wall street”, and “Beating the Street”. Peter Lynch is one of the world’s greatest investor, next to Warren Buffet and ranks alongside with George Soros. His books read like an autobiography of his stint as the Managing Director of Fidelity Magellan Investment but it is in reality a very practical investment guide on picking the next hottest stocks in the market. I only manage to read the first half of one of the books and indeed, it did gave me a practical insight on stock picking. Related to business, I also kept a number of economics books in my library. There is nothing much to say about it except that most of them are my textbooks in my economics class in MBA except for one particular book, “The Philippine Economy: Alternative for the 21st Century”. This book is special to me because it was my companion during my brief confinement in the hospital some 2 or 3 years ago during Valentines week. I read the book for 4 days out of the week of my confinement and it was a very insightful book on Philippine economy. A must read for Philippine businessmen. Situated next to my economics books are my statistic textbooks and management science and research textbooks followed by general management books. Ahhhhhh…. General management books, they are comparatively simplistic by my standard now but I used to gobble up books like that in my pre – MBA years. Then there is the accounting textbooks followed by change management books, “Transforming the Organization” and “Harvard Business Review on Change”, both of which I haven’t touched. I also have the book, “In Search of Excellence”, by Tom Peters. An excellent book except that I couldn’t remember much of the detail. Organizational behavior textbooks are also in my collections. I don’t have much to say about those books except that it wasn’t one of my favorite subjects in MBA. I consider my leadership book collections, “Leadership is an Art”, “The Grand Strategist”, and “The 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader” by Maxwell a waste of my money and my bookshelf space. They are the worst book purchases I made. I manage to read those books within two days after purchase and they suck. What makes it worst is that I paid a proportionately huge sum for something not of great value. I learn a valuable lesson from purchasing those books. Don’t buy a book the first time you see it. Instead, let the initial euphoria die down awhile and if possible, read a few pages of the book or get a book review before you actually purchase it. If my leadership books are a disappointment then my marketing books are something I’m really proud of. Aside from the marketing textbook, I had 2 books on branding and brand management, a book on global marketing, a book on export marketing, a series of marketing books written by the marketing guru Josiah Go, a book by Ned Roberto on marketing research, and last but definitely the best book I had on marketing, “Strategic Marketing Segmentation”, by Ned Roberto. The book profiles the typical Filipino consumer based on their income. This is a very informative book and a must read for marketers. I just got to read this book again sometime. I had another disappointing book purchase and that is “Price Wars”. The book is not a bad reading per se but I bought the book in hopes of finding a new way to compete in a price war. However, I should have known better. There is no magical way to come over the top at a price war. You either differentiate and command a better price and thus be immune from price competition or you drastically cut your cost in order to sustain your price offensive. I had known that fact from my studies in MBA yet I still bought the book in hopes of finding a better way. What a shame for me. Compared to my other book collections, my strategy management books are more up to date and they are the focus of my acquisitions for the past 3 years. I had the bibles of Strategic Management, “Competitive Strategy”, and “Competitive Advantage” of Michael Porter. I also own books on the latest “in thing” of strategic management, “ Strategy Maps” and “Balanced Scorecard” by Kaplan and Norton. Superb concept and yet simple, which makes you wonder why one hasn’t think about it before. I read those books and I’m applying it now. I also have another Harvard business review books on advance business strategy. One of the topics expounded in the book is financial engineering and risk management as a tool for strategic management, which is one of the hottest topics in management right now. I also bought the “in” books of the late 80s and early 90s like Michael Hammer’s “Reengineering the Corporation” and “Reengineering Management” and his latest book, “The Agenda”. Another popular book of the 90s is the “Synergy Trap”. The recent addition of the books in this category includes “Customer Oriented Growth” and “ Branded Customer Service”. I bought the latter book because I was curious on how they brand customer service in light of the popularity of business process outsourcing and the dominance of service in major economies. I mean how would one brand a smile, a courteous attitude, an extra effort service and many other little things that are generic and could be easily copied by everyone. How could one corporation own it and make people remember them when they saw somebody smiled at them? Aside from strategy management books, I also have books on family corporations. “Family Corporation in Transition”, written by an AIM faculty, deals with business family issues using Philippine business families as study subjects. Insightful book. Apparently, for family businesses, raising a family and running a business is an inseparable and closely intertwine endeavor, which makes me wonder how am I going to raise my kid so they could run the business after me. That is of course, if I ever got married and have kids. Another related book, “Asian Management System” introduces me to the various business management styles of Chinese, Korean, and Japanese businesses. They are quite the same actually but with subtle differences. I had another book related to that, “Running Board”. It is a book on how to manage boardroom meetings as much as a book on boardroom etiquette. Again, I haven’t read the book. Well, it’s getting really depressing, when I realize that I had so many good books waiting for me to peel through their pages and unravel the mystery behind their cover of the book. Sigh……… (to be continued….)

My (mini) Library – Part 1

I stayed home last Sunday instead going to the weekly food tripping. So, I took the opportunity to “fix” my library. Actually, it is not a library per se but a collection of books that I bought over years since senior high school. Lately, since the formal end of my MBA studies in 2002, I started purchasing books, mostly business books estimated to the tune of more than P50 thousand pesos. And these books are piled up in my table and bedroom floor. Couple of times, my mom wanted me to donate or sell the books but I couldn’t part with my precious and so I decided to drag myself to arrange it. Boy oh boy! What an arduous task it has been. Sorting and arranging the books at the bookshelves, which are located at overhead of my table and consist of 2 levels with 2 smaller side shelves and all the while reminiscing about what the books are about. All in all including my college and MBA thesis papers, my collection amounted to 234 volumes! These don’t include books that are somehow “missing”. I didn’t read all the books in my collection yet and there are some I didn’t even finished reading at all but I did read most of them. Of the total, my and my brother’s engineering books accounted for less than 60 books. The rest are grouped into science fiction, history, general management, marketing, operations management, statistics, accounting, finance, investing, strategic management, philosophy, literature, business biography, organization and leadership, and general interest books. These books are written either in English or in Chinese language. At the top of my book list is the 280 pages business plan that I successfully defended lately followed by my 150 pages college thesis on thermogravimetric analysis of Philippine woods. The thickest book in my collection is none other the 3000 pages (?) of Perry’s Chemical Engineer’s Handbook. Actually, it is too big, too thick, and too heavy for a “hand” book but nevertheless I owed Perry (who ever he is) a great deal since I relied on his handbook heavily during my board examination (in which I manage to place 10th overall). The next thickest books in my collection are the historical annals of both the Eastern and Western Han dynasty. These books are written some 2000 years ago and are considered among the 24 Chinese historical classics. Included among my history book collections is Edward Gibbon’s monumental history classic, “The Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire”. I bought this book during my senior high school years not knowing that it is a classic masterpiece. The book is not a monotonous narrative but rather it is written in prose form akin to a novel, which makes for an interesting read I would say. Also, Last year, I bought a book titled, “War, past, present, and future”, written by Jeremy Black. This book is about the analysis of war in anthropological, socio – cultural, and historical perspective. It is quite an interesting and informative book since it divorces wars from its political dimensions and as well as from the war technology, battle tactics, war strategy, and military leadership. I also own two books on Filipino – Chinese history in my collection list. They are “Chinese in the Philippine Economy” and “Overseas Chinese in ASEAN”. These books deal with Oversea Chinese in Southeast Asia particularly in the late 19th century until before WWII. It is very informative and it offered me an explain on a lot of things in the Filipino Chinese community as well as provided me a framework in analyzing present issues affecting the community and its eventual evolution. Of course, I definitely have a book on the general Chinese history. I bought the book from Hong Kong and it is first published in the early 20th century. Biographic stories of historical figures make up the rest of my history book collection. Compared to the serious analytical nature of my history book collections, my science fiction collections are more inspiring in the sense that it fueled my imagination since my collections are mostly made up of Start Trek novels, particularly the Dominion war series, Kahless, and The Fury series. Who wouldn’t be inspired to take up the challenge of “to boldly go where no man has gone before”? In tandem to the adventurous nature of my science fiction books are my literature collection, which consists of my college English books and the 4 - volume Chinese wuxia novel, “To Laugh at the World”, The 300 Poetries of Tang, and Selected Poetries of Tang and Sung Dynasty though I must admit that I didn’t finish reading the poetries. I also had Homer’s “Iliad” among my collection. I bought the book in senior high after I learned that it was Alexander the Great’s favorite book. The book forms the basis of the recent movie, “Troy” starring Brad Pitt. However, the book or the epic is the over exaggerated version of the movie with gods and mortals as the main characters. The book is generally boring especially in the middle part where Homer introduces in detail the names of the lords of the Mycenaean army and a brief history of each. The part I like most is the last part wherein Hector drove the Mycenaean army from the gates of Troy to the ships and how Patroculous with Achilles blessing, wore the latter’s armor (which is made by the god, Vulcan) and battle Hector, only to be slain later on and how Achilles avenge his friend’s death by killing Hector and drag his corpse around the city for 7 times. The book ends with the ransom of Hector by King Priam of Troy and his funeral. Quite dramatic and interestingly similar to Star Wars III or was it the other way around. My philosophy book collections consist of ethics book, a general introduction to western and oriental philosophies. One of my favorite ethic books is “Bioethics” written by Timbreza. It made me question my own ethical considerations in genetics and bioscience issues like cloning. However, my favorite book in the list is Richard Bach’s “Illusions”. The book is actually a college book report but I liked the book because it expounded the matrix like ideas (mind conquers everything or everything is in the mind, sounds Platonic) way before the Matrix came out. There is however, a book that I couldn’t get myself to finish reading after all these years because of the depth of its thought. Stephen Hawkings’ “A Brief History of Time” is actually an astrophysics book but the philosophy underlying the theory is so huge and rattling that I couldn’t sleep for a week (back in the early 1990’s) trying to comprehend the thoughts he expounded in the first 5 – 10 pages of the book. I’ll probably read it again if I’m mentally prepared for it. Sun Tsu’s Art of Warfare, the original Chinese version head the list of my general interest books. I read the book a couple of times already and I could memorize the first chapter. What can I say? Sun Tsu is a genius even if he lived 2500 years ago. Included in the lists are “The Cultural Traditions of Fookien” (which I haven’t read), which deals about the traditions of the Filipino Chinese native homeland, Fookien. I bought it because I wanted to understand the cultural genesis of my race. Then there is the “Genomics Age”, and “Food for All”, books dealing with the future of genetic manipulation and its effects on both food and human health. Unfortunately, I haven’t removed the wrappers yet. I also happen to buy way back in middle 1990’s, “The Art of Kissing” and the “Sex in a Minute”. Boy! I didn’t know that there are many ways to kiss and that there is in fact a science or an art to it. Wish I could get to try out some of the techniques other than French Kissing. Let me see there is the Lip – O – Suction kiss, the Wet Kiss, the Upside Down Kiss…… I also bought a time management book more than a decade ago but somehow, I can’t manage the time to read it! I also have a stress management manual but I’m either too stress to read it or that I’m not that stress enough to even bother with it. I also have a book on heart attack prevention, which I haven’t read about it and strangely, I couldn’t figure out why I bought it in the first place since I’m not planning to be a doctor and the obvious solution to preventing a heart attack is eat less and work out more. Maybe, I will donate that book later on. Another book in my general interest collections is “Understanding Body Language”. I bought the book because I’m impressed and amazed with my professor’s ability to “know” a person in just 5 minutes of meeting the person. Apparently, he could “read” a person. Well, I could never do what he does but I did learn something from the book. It is about eye contact and how to read a person using his eye movement. According to the book, eyes don’t lie. Eyes move in a certain direction when it is accessing memory or fact or emotion. If a person is telling a supposed fact but his eye is not in the proper direction, chances are the person is lying. Related to this book is another book that I had but that I couldn’t find, the “48 Laws of Power”. The book is quite popular a few years back. In fact, senator Maceda wrote a newspaper column regarding it. I never get to finish that book as I only read up to the third law and I actually forgotten all about it already. I wish I could find the book and read it. Rounding up my general interest books is my tea book, “Healthy Teas”. I bought this book because I’m interested with the therapeutic properties of teas. But to my amazement, I found out there are actually a great many varieties of teas even though I already knew some of it. In addition to that the author even describe the characteristics of each variety in terms of color and taste and he also provided several tea recipes. In my study of tea, I went to the point of actually sampling the teas and try to correlate with what the author says about it. I already tried Chamomile teas from the local coffee shop, the traditional Chrysanthemum teas, the Oolong tea, the Tiequanying tea, the Japanese Hojicha and another Japanese tea. Right now, I’m trying to sample Earl Grey. Hmmm, maybe its about time I visited the local coffee shop for one. (to be continued…)

Listen to My Wife

Don’t take this wrong. I’m definitely single and haven’t been married yet. Its just I read an interesting article titled, “Listen to My Wife”, written by Matt Miller of New York Times in today’s newspaper (BusinessWorld, www.bworld.net). Well, the gist of the story is that people, especially women struggles to balance their professional lives with their time with families and love ones. Trade offs are usually made towards this end but in the end, something has got give and for women, they usually sacrifice career for the fulfilling role of a mother and wife. That’s reality. Juggling both roles is not only taxing but will have a profound effect on the other role. My father died when I was young and my mom raised my siblings and me. We grew up fine but somehow, I always hear my mother say that she regretted that she didn’t take good care of us when we are young because she needed to work, out of necessity. My aunt too is a working mom and I could also hear her saying that she didn’t take care very well of my young 8 year old cousin (she shuttle back and forth on two territories every week with weekdays spend at another territory and weekends at her home territory). So there’s the dilemma, which one to choose? Career or family? Or in the words of the author, “should people sacrifice meaningful relationship every human craves as a price of exercising their talent?” Lets rephrase that, “should women pay with their career for her to enjoy a basic human relationship?”. To be fair, its not that only women craves for familial relationship and seeks a balance between work and family, men too. However, it would seem to be “logical” for women to give up their work in favor of family whereas for men, doing so would elicit criticism of being “weak and senile”. This is because a child is inadvertently maternal dependent while society view men as the “bread winner” of the family hence the “logical” expectation of gender choices between career and family. But I wonder, aren't women also human just like men? Men could have dreams and ambitions and megalomaniac delusions of grandeur but could a woman have it also? Of course they do! Should they give it up for family???? Some women worked out of necessity due to their economic situation. But for women of higher economic status, the necessity of work is not present. Would working for career be an acceptable excuse? Or better yet, could women have other responsibilities other than family? Responsibilities like running a business of their own or pursuing a worthy cause or interest. Simple questions but things aren't that simple at all. It is basically such questions that led to my breakup several years ago. I quarrel with my ex several times when we are together and one of our “quarrel topics” is what is her role after marriage? (Yep, we went that far) Honestly, I don’t know or more likely, I haven’t thought about it. Ok, I’m a jerk but truthfully speaking, has anybody thought about it before they get married? Very few, I think. I always think or more like, made to believe that marriage is the end all in life and everything afterwards is just a cruise down happyville. You hear fairy tales that ends in settle down, get married, and lived happily ever after. Its actually living happily ever after that has more problems than getting someone to agree to get married. So from the breakup, I came to the conclusion that women indeed have ambitions, have aspirations, have dreams, and even delusions and they shouldn’t be tied down by family. I mean women wanted to hear other people to say, “the talented and beautiful Mrs. Y and her husband, Mr. X” rather than “Mr. X and his lovely wife, Mrs. X or simply Mr. and Mrs. X”. However, this doesn’t mean that women should leave the family matters to men alone. If women could complain and demands that their men spend more time with their family, I only think it’s fair that women should do the same. Furthermore, I think family should not be an exclusive women’s domain but be a conjugal thing. If that is my conclusion, my next question is, is that practical or better yet back to question one, how to balance? Seriously, it’s actually easier said than done. Matt Miller suggest that both men and women should band together and demand corporations restructure jobs to enable the individual both men and women to balance their life and enjoy more quality time with their family. Yeah, great idea but in the meantime, do I have a second option? Frankly, I don’t. But somehow I suspect that I will need my management training to manage the process but other than that I don’t have a clue. Anyway, I’m not married yet nor am I getting married anytime soon, so I could postpone answering that “hard” question until then. However, I do sometimes ponder on the question especially when reading a good article like “Listen to My Wife”.

The Tragedy of Anakin Skywalker

Note: This article may contain some clues and depict some scenes about the movie Star Wars Episode 3. If you want to be surprised, don’t read this article and just watch the movie lest it spoils the fun.
Today, May 19, 2005 is the opening day of the movie, Star Wars, Episode 3: The Revenge of the Sith and tonight, I went to see the movie. What can I say about the movie? It is spectacular but not that powerful because I was only moved during the battle scene between Obi Wan and Anakin as well as the last part when the Skywalkers hold the baby Luke and looking into the choreographic sunrise of Tatooine. The movie is like the classic George Lucas films, few simplistic words bereft of emotion and more action and even more spectacular special effects. Well, in this movie, the words are still few but convey more meaning and emotion. The action is simply awesome especially the light saber duels and what can I say, Yoda still rocks! The special effects are unimaginably incomparable. Just watch the space battle in its full breadth, Star Trek can’t simply compare. Sorry, Gene (Roddenberry) but don’t worry I’m still a Trekkie fan. The overall plot is somehow illogical and inconsistent at best. For in its effort to link up with the original Star Wars episodes, the plot has been severely bent to twist in order to fit with the popular legend. Somehow, all of it seemed illogical conjectures and force fits. Another thing that I couldn’t understand is why Obi Wan kept on referring Anakin as his “brother” when it was made clear in the previous episode that Anakin treated Obi Wan as a father figure. Could George is trying to superimpose a “Cain and Abel” type of conflict into the movie? Another point in the movie is the not so subtle Bush bashing and the treat of subversion of democracy in favor of a strong dictatorship. Sounds like Marcos and strangely, the sith Lord, the Emperor Darth Sidius looks like Marcos. Anyway, the part that I was move is during the light saber duel between Anakin and Obi Wan. I just can’t get myself to believe that how could two people who are so close to each other to the extent of risking each other’s life for the other would eventually turn against each other with such fury and anger and hatred. The other part that touched me is the last scene, which conveys a ray of hope of the eventual salvation after going through all the darkness of the human’s soul. In essence though, this movie is not about the revenge of the Sith rather this is about Anakin Skywalker and its metamorphosis into the “evil” Darth Vader. I wasn’t really appalled or “scared” of Darth Vader rather I felt a genuine sadness for Anakin. For no matter how powerful he is, he is just a victim of fate much like everybody else in this world. He struggled with fate. Tried to conquer it, tried to master it, and tried to control it but in the end, fate overwhelms him. He was just a mere pawn among those who resides in Mount Olympus. His sin was not in pulling out the light saber and tip the balance of the duel between Mace Windu and the Emperor in favor of the latter nor was his ambitious and impatience nor was it in his fear of loss of his wife, Padme as seen through his perminission. Rather, his only sin is that he is too human possessing all of its strengths and promises but equally wrought with its own frailties. This Darth Vader is not the same Darth Vader of the original Star Wars. The original Vader is a fearful, subservient, obedient, cold ruthless killing “machine”. This Darth Vader is an ambitious, emotional, and frail man, desperate of whats going to happen because he can’t do anything about it. So human, so helpless and so futile…. This movie sounds more like a Greek tragedy rather than a modern space romance or adventure. Which is why I propose to rename the movie, “Star Wars Episode 3: The Tragedy of Anakin Skywalker”. I enjoy watching the movie and I wish you too would also enjoy the movie.

A Quote and A Historian’s Rumbling

I read a great quote today in my newspaper and it made me think. This quote is attributed to John Maynard Keynes, the father of modern economics and could be found in his book, General Theory of Employment, Interest, and Money. The quote is "The difficulty lies, not in new ideas, but in escaping from the old ones, which ramify into every corner of our minds". The reason this quote got my attention is because for so long, I believed that the reason people resist changes is because of new ideas, which are so revolutionary and contradictory to what they held and believe. It turns out, people resist change because the old ideas define who they are. It is a part of their lives and a core foundation of their existence. The source of their capability that worked so well for them. To even think that it is wrong would tantamount to a denial of their existence. Interesting, for in the larger world history, this denial is expressed in the form of a struggle between an emergent idea, an emergent system, an emergent future civilization against what is current, against what is proven, against what is the way it is. It is the eternal clash between the new and the old manifested as a revolution that influence the course of history.

Sorry for the Tears

A friend of mine sent me a text message the past 2 nights about her latest heartbreak. Though the text message is emotionless, I could feel the pain and sorrow being sent to me via the airwaves. My friend didn’t part ways with her love because of some silly irreconcilable differences over virtual nothing rather they separated because he is leaving for a foreign land. She is crying, she is hurt and she is in terrible pain. She is asking me what to do? Honestly, I don’t know what to say to comfort you. I don’t know what to do to ease your pain. I’m stump!!! I don’t know the guy. I don’t know what he did, why he is doing it and I don’t know what he is thinking. I don’t even know what to say as an excuse in his behalf nor should I say anything in his behalf at all. Except that maybe for this one. In behalf of all men who walked in this Earth, living and dead and yet to be born, who loves a woman such as you and still somehow manage to be stupid enough to break your heart, I just would like to say “ Sorry for the tears and thank you for your love”. We don’t know what got into our heads; we don’t know why we did it. We probably are as confused as you are but believe me when we say this, “we never intended to make you cry nor we ever wanted you to be sad”. We always wanted to see you smile, to see you laugh because that will make us happy too. We felt so lucky to be loved by somebody as special as you. We may not admit it now nor want to believe in it but we know that the day we say goodbye to you is the day a part of me died and never to be revived again. We somehow know someday that we will regret this but……… Forgive us for our stupidity, for being a pompous ass. Forget about me and move on, for we are not worthy of your memory but we will always cherish you for the rest of our lives. We are sorry and we ask for your forgiveness. We ask you to move on and forget us, if you must. Again, thank you for your love and save that tears, for we couldn’t live up for each drop.