Sunday, March 27, 2005

The Sailor In Me

Its been for sometimes now since I last wrote since I've been busy with the clutters of life lately. I just got home yesterday from the vacation at the beach fully recharged. I have also regained my focus from the experience. Yesterday morning, I got up early for a stroll at the break water reef at the beach. And Boy oh boy, what a sight! The fresh air, the pictureques scenery, and the serenity of the morning life was awesomely refreshing. However, what really grab my attention yesterday morning is the open sea behind me. The violent blue waves rocking back and forth, the island slowly getting visible over the horizon, and a fishing boat streaking across plying their morning trade are too inviting for me. I just like to grab a sail and head out into the unknown, armed only with a sail and a paddle and sailing against the rough sea and the gusty wind towards that edge where the sky and the sea meet. There is just something in me that wanted to embrace the open sea. My grandfather was a fisherman and my father did fish. I guess there is something genetic in this after all. However, as I slowly sat down on the ledge that I soon realize of the futility of my effort. I can't swim nor could I sail and never mind that I didn't know any survival techniques to help my chances at the sea. Somehow, there is something about the landlubber in me that tied me to this earth. Rational concerns like basic skills? Maybe. Irrational ones like a giant squid appearing from nowhere to devour me alive along with my tiny ship? Maybe. Or plain simple fears like shark attack or whale attack or even pirates? Maybe. Or is it simply me? Too much concern, indecisive, not ready. Probably. I the said to myself, I could prepare myself for the trip. I could learn the basic skills and I could learn to defend myself against hostile elements but would I still want to go out after I have prepared all of this? Maybe not. I was thinking that maybe by the time I'm prepared, I would have other concerns or even dreams. I might be too old for this or I might have a family by then or I may not be able to leave my job or that I've decided that playing golf would be a nobler pursuit than say sailing. Any of this or all of it would tie me to the shores. Still, I couldn't help but look out in the sea and wish for it. I had many dreams and struggled with it everyday to realize it but I never make it. Rational and irrational concerns? Fears? Whats holding me back? I came to the shocking conclusion that it is me all along that holding me back. I then decided that its time. Time for me to take a sail and head into the angry sea, battling with its unpredictable and violent waves and insticntively navigate through the rocks and hoping that I would catch a favorable wind with my sail and blew me to that great limit at the edge to chase a dream that never sets. As I stand and trace the familiar route back to my room at the resort, I felt more confident about my life. As for sailing, that would have to wait till I at least own a yatch!