Listen to My Wife

Don’t take this wrong. I’m definitely single and haven’t been married yet. Its just I read an interesting article titled, “Listen to My Wife”, written by Matt Miller of New York Times in today’s newspaper (BusinessWorld, www.bworld.net). Well, the gist of the story is that people, especially women struggles to balance their professional lives with their time with families and love ones. Trade offs are usually made towards this end but in the end, something has got give and for women, they usually sacrifice career for the fulfilling role of a mother and wife. That’s reality. Juggling both roles is not only taxing but will have a profound effect on the other role. My father died when I was young and my mom raised my siblings and me. We grew up fine but somehow, I always hear my mother say that she regretted that she didn’t take good care of us when we are young because she needed to work, out of necessity. My aunt too is a working mom and I could also hear her saying that she didn’t take care very well of my young 8 year old cousin (she shuttle back and forth on two territories every week with weekdays spend at another territory and weekends at her home territory). So there’s the dilemma, which one to choose? Career or family? Or in the words of the author, “should people sacrifice meaningful relationship every human craves as a price of exercising their talent?” Lets rephrase that, “should women pay with their career for her to enjoy a basic human relationship?”. To be fair, its not that only women craves for familial relationship and seeks a balance between work and family, men too. However, it would seem to be “logical” for women to give up their work in favor of family whereas for men, doing so would elicit criticism of being “weak and senile”. This is because a child is inadvertently maternal dependent while society view men as the “bread winner” of the family hence the “logical” expectation of gender choices between career and family. But I wonder, aren't women also human just like men? Men could have dreams and ambitions and megalomaniac delusions of grandeur but could a woman have it also? Of course they do! Should they give it up for family???? Some women worked out of necessity due to their economic situation. But for women of higher economic status, the necessity of work is not present. Would working for career be an acceptable excuse? Or better yet, could women have other responsibilities other than family? Responsibilities like running a business of their own or pursuing a worthy cause or interest. Simple questions but things aren't that simple at all. It is basically such questions that led to my breakup several years ago. I quarrel with my ex several times when we are together and one of our “quarrel topics” is what is her role after marriage? (Yep, we went that far) Honestly, I don’t know or more likely, I haven’t thought about it. Ok, I’m a jerk but truthfully speaking, has anybody thought about it before they get married? Very few, I think. I always think or more like, made to believe that marriage is the end all in life and everything afterwards is just a cruise down happyville. You hear fairy tales that ends in settle down, get married, and lived happily ever after. Its actually living happily ever after that has more problems than getting someone to agree to get married. So from the breakup, I came to the conclusion that women indeed have ambitions, have aspirations, have dreams, and even delusions and they shouldn’t be tied down by family. I mean women wanted to hear other people to say, “the talented and beautiful Mrs. Y and her husband, Mr. X” rather than “Mr. X and his lovely wife, Mrs. X or simply Mr. and Mrs. X”. However, this doesn’t mean that women should leave the family matters to men alone. If women could complain and demands that their men spend more time with their family, I only think it’s fair that women should do the same. Furthermore, I think family should not be an exclusive women’s domain but be a conjugal thing. If that is my conclusion, my next question is, is that practical or better yet back to question one, how to balance? Seriously, it’s actually easier said than done. Matt Miller suggest that both men and women should band together and demand corporations restructure jobs to enable the individual both men and women to balance their life and enjoy more quality time with their family. Yeah, great idea but in the meantime, do I have a second option? Frankly, I don’t. But somehow I suspect that I will need my management training to manage the process but other than that I don’t have a clue. Anyway, I’m not married yet nor am I getting married anytime soon, so I could postpone answering that “hard” question until then. However, I do sometimes ponder on the question especially when reading a good article like “Listen to My Wife”.

The Tragedy of Anakin Skywalker

Note: This article may contain some clues and depict some scenes about the movie Star Wars Episode 3. If you want to be surprised, don’t read this article and just watch the movie lest it spoils the fun.
Today, May 19, 2005 is the opening day of the movie, Star Wars, Episode 3: The Revenge of the Sith and tonight, I went to see the movie. What can I say about the movie? It is spectacular but not that powerful because I was only moved during the battle scene between Obi Wan and Anakin as well as the last part when the Skywalkers hold the baby Luke and looking into the choreographic sunrise of Tatooine. The movie is like the classic George Lucas films, few simplistic words bereft of emotion and more action and even more spectacular special effects. Well, in this movie, the words are still few but convey more meaning and emotion. The action is simply awesome especially the light saber duels and what can I say, Yoda still rocks! The special effects are unimaginably incomparable. Just watch the space battle in its full breadth, Star Trek can’t simply compare. Sorry, Gene (Roddenberry) but don’t worry I’m still a Trekkie fan. The overall plot is somehow illogical and inconsistent at best. For in its effort to link up with the original Star Wars episodes, the plot has been severely bent to twist in order to fit with the popular legend. Somehow, all of it seemed illogical conjectures and force fits. Another thing that I couldn’t understand is why Obi Wan kept on referring Anakin as his “brother” when it was made clear in the previous episode that Anakin treated Obi Wan as a father figure. Could George is trying to superimpose a “Cain and Abel” type of conflict into the movie? Another point in the movie is the not so subtle Bush bashing and the treat of subversion of democracy in favor of a strong dictatorship. Sounds like Marcos and strangely, the sith Lord, the Emperor Darth Sidius looks like Marcos. Anyway, the part that I was move is during the light saber duel between Anakin and Obi Wan. I just can’t get myself to believe that how could two people who are so close to each other to the extent of risking each other’s life for the other would eventually turn against each other with such fury and anger and hatred. The other part that touched me is the last scene, which conveys a ray of hope of the eventual salvation after going through all the darkness of the human’s soul. In essence though, this movie is not about the revenge of the Sith rather this is about Anakin Skywalker and its metamorphosis into the “evil” Darth Vader. I wasn’t really appalled or “scared” of Darth Vader rather I felt a genuine sadness for Anakin. For no matter how powerful he is, he is just a victim of fate much like everybody else in this world. He struggled with fate. Tried to conquer it, tried to master it, and tried to control it but in the end, fate overwhelms him. He was just a mere pawn among those who resides in Mount Olympus. His sin was not in pulling out the light saber and tip the balance of the duel between Mace Windu and the Emperor in favor of the latter nor was his ambitious and impatience nor was it in his fear of loss of his wife, Padme as seen through his perminission. Rather, his only sin is that he is too human possessing all of its strengths and promises but equally wrought with its own frailties. This Darth Vader is not the same Darth Vader of the original Star Wars. The original Vader is a fearful, subservient, obedient, cold ruthless killing “machine”. This Darth Vader is an ambitious, emotional, and frail man, desperate of whats going to happen because he can’t do anything about it. So human, so helpless and so futile…. This movie sounds more like a Greek tragedy rather than a modern space romance or adventure. Which is why I propose to rename the movie, “Star Wars Episode 3: The Tragedy of Anakin Skywalker”. I enjoy watching the movie and I wish you too would also enjoy the movie.

A Quote and A Historian’s Rumbling

I read a great quote today in my newspaper and it made me think. This quote is attributed to John Maynard Keynes, the father of modern economics and could be found in his book, General Theory of Employment, Interest, and Money. The quote is "The difficulty lies, not in new ideas, but in escaping from the old ones, which ramify into every corner of our minds". The reason this quote got my attention is because for so long, I believed that the reason people resist changes is because of new ideas, which are so revolutionary and contradictory to what they held and believe. It turns out, people resist change because the old ideas define who they are. It is a part of their lives and a core foundation of their existence. The source of their capability that worked so well for them. To even think that it is wrong would tantamount to a denial of their existence. Interesting, for in the larger world history, this denial is expressed in the form of a struggle between an emergent idea, an emergent system, an emergent future civilization against what is current, against what is proven, against what is the way it is. It is the eternal clash between the new and the old manifested as a revolution that influence the course of history.

Sorry for the Tears

A friend of mine sent me a text message the past 2 nights about her latest heartbreak. Though the text message is emotionless, I could feel the pain and sorrow being sent to me via the airwaves. My friend didn’t part ways with her love because of some silly irreconcilable differences over virtual nothing rather they separated because he is leaving for a foreign land. She is crying, she is hurt and she is in terrible pain. She is asking me what to do? Honestly, I don’t know what to say to comfort you. I don’t know what to do to ease your pain. I’m stump!!! I don’t know the guy. I don’t know what he did, why he is doing it and I don’t know what he is thinking. I don’t even know what to say as an excuse in his behalf nor should I say anything in his behalf at all. Except that maybe for this one. In behalf of all men who walked in this Earth, living and dead and yet to be born, who loves a woman such as you and still somehow manage to be stupid enough to break your heart, I just would like to say “ Sorry for the tears and thank you for your love”. We don’t know what got into our heads; we don’t know why we did it. We probably are as confused as you are but believe me when we say this, “we never intended to make you cry nor we ever wanted you to be sad”. We always wanted to see you smile, to see you laugh because that will make us happy too. We felt so lucky to be loved by somebody as special as you. We may not admit it now nor want to believe in it but we know that the day we say goodbye to you is the day a part of me died and never to be revived again. We somehow know someday that we will regret this but……… Forgive us for our stupidity, for being a pompous ass. Forget about me and move on, for we are not worthy of your memory but we will always cherish you for the rest of our lives. We are sorry and we ask for your forgiveness. We ask you to move on and forget us, if you must. Again, thank you for your love and save that tears, for we couldn’t live up for each drop.

Another Murder of My Generation and I’m Angry!

I came back to the office after lunch today and started to read the day’s paper. I found out that a young Filipino - Chinese couple was murdered yesterday as a result of robbery. Personally, I don’t know the victims but nonetheless, anger is brewing inside me like a volcano ready to erupt. The reason? The couple has the same demographic profile as I am and for the past few years, a number of my generation has been brutally murdered, one of them a year or two ago was my friend in college. He died because he struggled against his so – called barkadas who tried to kidnap him and extort money. Fate could be so cruel and unfair. My friend doesn’t deserve to die like that. He is a jolly fellow and always cheerful. He is a good Christian and always ready to help. Never the one to say no to a friend, he would help his friend even if is to his detriment. I warned him in college that he shouldn’t give too much to his friends and keep some for himself but he would have none of it. He is a boy scout both literally and figuratively speaking and he is active in civic engagement. He is a great friend to be with and one you keep for the ages. It is not right to take him away and he deserves better. He should be allowed to get married and have kids and even grand children. He should have die in a hospital at a ripe old age due to some lingering sicknesses surrounded by family and friends and not like that. I never attended his wake for I don’t want to see him like that. I don’t want to see him because I don’t want to see myself….. To my friend and others like him of my generation who have been brutally murdered, I mourned, I grieved, and I’m angry! They and their likes are at a time when it is the beginning of their golden age, where they become a productive member in society. They are the future face of our people and its success, the forthcoming bearers of our nation’s pride and dignity, and they are the country’s hope. How could I not mourn? One good guy down, one hope lost and the lost is irreplaceable. The future has got darker. How could I not grieve? To take it all away at once, so sudden, so unthinkable, so ……. How could I not be angry? I then remember my father and the anger and pain becomes all the more unbearable. I ............... Right now, I just want to end this monstrosity and hunt down those bastards myself. Stalk them like a mad hunter that doesn’t rest. Always behind them, ready for the kill whenever they let their guard down. I would cut their head off, tear their limbs and eat their flesh but this is not enough, not by a long shot. If there is hell and an afterlife, I would bring their soul to the deepest part of hell and I will dig an even deeper hole for them in hell and bury them there. Then again, my friend and others like him and my father as well couldn’t come back to life even if I had done that. I’m angry, I’m mourning and I’m grieving. This got to stop somehow!!!

Approval Addiction - An Analysis

I went malling last Sunday and as usual, I spend the entire afternoon leisurely walking in between the aisle scouring the books. And in my “drunken” wander, I noticed a peculiar book nestled among the shelves. The title of that book is “Approval Addiction”. I am tantalized with the book partly because I never heard of the term, “approval addiction” and partly because I seemed to agree with the concept but with reservations. So I read the brief description of the book at the back and I found out that the book is somewhat a religious – psychology – self help book of sort, which is not my kind of book. Even though I didn’t buy the book, I kept on thinking on the concept even on my way home. I was thinking is there approval addiction at all? It seemed to me that there is no such thing. I mean the entire society that we lived in is based on approval and we practically grown up on the system. When we are young, our parents practically cultivated our “addiction”. We are rewarded for good behavior and punished for bad ones and as such, we craved the reward and practically seek their approval every chances possible. As we grow older and gone out in the world, we seek the approval of our bosses, our customers, our friends, our peers, and our relatives and why not? With approval, comes the reward except that candies no longer satisfy our rewards, we seek approval in other form, specifically, psychological. Funny, for in a corporate setting, approval is a complex process. An approval takes time, several signatures and reviews and a lot more people. Could all this whet our appetite all the more? Extending this reasoning further, this cultivation of approval addiction is crucial to the survival of society. Our notion of good and bad, our concept of morality, our thirst for knowledge, and our productive and creative are developed using this addiction. We seek other people’s approval and so we learn and grow. I also remembered my behavioral science class, the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs. Isn’t psychological satisfaction a higher need and hence, a motivational factor? Peer approval is one such motivational factor. Given all of this, I wonder, is approval addiction an issue at all? We encourage it, we cultivate it so why the big fuss? Well, approval addiction is a real issue and important simply because we are humans, reek with emotion however irrational it maybe and not some cold calculating logical machine. We couldn’t control ourselves and we let our emotions, particularly fear gain the better of us at times. It is not just a psychological issue but rather it also a socio – cultural – political and ethical issues as well. Drug dependents craved peer approval and that is why they take drugs. Government nowadays behaved “irrationally” because of approval addiction. In fact, government spent countless sums to finance opinion polls to understand the “will of the people” in the vain hope of maintaining their approval rating. They sacrifice long – term stability in favor of short – term gains. Corporations also do the same with their investor. Great men in history in their moment of truth always think about how history would judge them and in effect seek history’s approval of their action. Approval comes when they are praised, acclaimed, saluted, and remembered in history on their decision or else they are simply vilified. It seems that concept of right and wrong is no longer relevant and even ignored. Approval addicts just simply aim for that psychological satisfaction of approval and they value it so much that everything else is irrelevant. Sometimes, I simply couldn’t understand why. Could it because I’m a loner and I don’t give a damn to what other people say? Maybe, I’m just being practical. I wonder if the approval addict has two different sets of people he or she would want to get approval from, how would he or she choose? My guess is that he or she would to weigh on whose side has the most reward to offer, in materialistic term or in psychological terms. And this is where my conclusion comes in. There is no such thing as an approval addict because even though humans are emotional, we are still logical. The so – called approval addicts simply made a trade off between seeking approvals and the psychological benefits and rewards it could get. If the reward isn’t lucrative enough for them to seek approval, he or she wouldn’t seek their approval at all. In this case, everybody is an approval addict. The only difference is in what they value and how high a premium they placed on in.

The Purpose of Life – A Reply to A Friend

A few blogs ago, a friend of mine emailed me regarding the article, The Sand Castle. Her question was what do I think is the purpose of life? She asked this question because she didn’t quite agree with what I wrote. Actually, I have been asking the same question for a long time now and every time I stumbled until a few years ago when I discovered the “answer” that I’m looking for. I was eager to write a blog about it but somehow I couldn’t because my view is somewhat controversial and could be quite disturbing. I was thinking of a better way to say it. It took me quite sometime but I think I know now. So here it goes. What is the purpose of life? Thomas Aquinas once said, the purpose of life is the pursuit of “Summum Bonum” or “Ultimate Bliss” whatever that means. However, I don’t believe that everybody is convinced. Well, to me, the purpose of life is what we wanted to be as we choose or better yet what we wanted to believe in. One could live a life base on the gospel truth that one has faith in. However, I like to stress here that what is important is not what we choose rather why we choose or choose to believe so at all. The simple reason is because we wanted to have a meaning in our life. We don’t want to get up everyday, do our daily rituals in life, eat three meals a day, and work our butt off to pay for the meals and go back to sleep only to repeat the same routine tomorrow, day in day out until the day we die. Instead, we wanted to have a meaning greater than the sum of the parts of our lives and a purpose beyond our short – lived existence. Whatever that purpose is, it should justify our existence. It should make us MATTER in the elaborate scheme called life. It should make us believe that the world will be a better place because we are alive! So my dear, believe in the purpose you want to believe in and I’m not going to convince you that yours is wrong and mine is right or that somebody else has a better purpose. Instead, I ask you to hold steadfast to your belief and lived according to it. Because if that purpose you believed in gave you the meaning of existence and makes you believed that you can make a difference with it, then that is the “right” purpose of life for you and nobody should say otherwise. Rene Descartes once concluded after a deliberate analysis, “ Cogito ergo sum”, literally, “ I think therefore I exist”. Well, I say “I exist therefore I should matter”. And what makes me matter is my belief in my purpose of life even if, it were a short – lived sand castle.

To Neverland and Back Again – On Growing up and Being a Kid Again

Last Sunday, I happened to go to the movies and watch Finding Neverland, which is a life story of Sir Barrie, the author of Peter Pan. It struck a cord in me because basically I’m a serious guy and I could relate to the young boy Peter, who lost his father and then later his mother. I lost my father when I was young and for sometime, there is only but hatred and anger in me. I wanted to grow up as soon as possible before and I wish that it could be done in just a few seconds. I wanted to grow up so that people that I deal in business and in life would take me seriously and not view me as a boy who doesn’t have any credibility. I wanted to grow up immediately such that, people wouldn’t treat my family and me as nothing because I don’t have a father. Eventually, I did up grow up and I matured earlier than most of people at my age although it takes a lot longer than just a few seconds. It came to the point that I could relate better with old timers rather than young people even that of my age. It got to a point where I looked older than my real age. Being serious has its toll on looks I guess. And that is where the movie kicked in. I sometimes wanted to be a boy again replete of responsibility and full of excuses. I could say that I shouldn’t be doing this because I’m a boy or I shouldn’t be knowing this because I don’t had to. However, reality bites and it bites so hard that you bleed profusely. I could turn a blind eye to everything. I could choose to ignore what is happening, pretend that I don’t know, assume that the truth doesn’t exist but who am I fooling? In the end, it is me that got smacked in the face and nobody else. I learned a long time ago that life is not to run away from. I had to face life when I’m ready and I still have to face life when I’m not. I had to decide with all the pertinent facts at hand and also to decide without the details as well. There are times that I had the courage and the attitude to face life but there are also times that I have neither the courage nor the attitude to face life but life still knocks on my door and I have to answer it even if I’m not prepared. Life is like a conveyor belt that brings you to places you never expect nor you want to be much less you choose to be but you still have to face it. However, it is not entirely a hopeless case. I can still choose how I’m going to face it, either with dignity, sanity and logic or entirely in a stupid manner. I cannot avoid making decisions but I can delay the inevitable by a few moments until at least I think I’m prepared even if not thoroughly prepared for the consequences of my choice. Best of all, I could choose the conveyor that I’m riding in. It takes foresight to choose and one has to think it well over. Control over emotional impulse is a necessity although cold logic is tasteless, dull, and sometimes cruel. Choices. Never choose the choice given to you but instead work for the choice that you will eventually choose. That is my motto and one that I never mastered it or could ever master. Choices are hard, life is even harder but sometimes I liked being a kid again along with all the privileges of being one even for a fleeting second. Hahhhhhh…………. Where is Neverland? Could anybody point me the way for me?

The Person That I Want to be With Now

6 months! Its been that long that I toiled myself in doing my masteral paper and finally, I successfully defended it last Friday, April 15,2005. The first thing that I did after the defense was to call up all the people that are dear to me and a few of my classmates to share with them the good news. I rested awhile enjoying the moment before I drive home. The traffic seemed benign to me although it is in fact quite congested. While driving, I was “dreaming” about the future and what I should do and what promises that it hold now that I’m free from my academic burden. I was also thinking whom I’m going to call or inform next about my success. I called my mom and told her to get dress so that we could go out and celebrate at her favorite pizzeria. After the call and out of the blue, I said to myself, “Pa will definitely be proud of me, what will he be doing if he knew what I’ve achieved?” Then and there, my eyes got wet. My father was murdered when I was 12 years old. I remembered that I was alone when I walked the stage during my elementary graduation. I remembered that I was alone when I walked the stage in my high school graduation. Only the principal and the teacher were there to pin the medal on me for graduating with honors in my Chinese class. I remembered that my mom was with me when I got my diploma in college and she was the one to put the medal on me during the ceremony for the board exam passers and top notchers. My father was not there to see me and definitely, he is not going to attend my graduation this time around either. I wished that this is just a bad dream that I’m going to wake up someday and there he is but I learned a long, long time ago that this ain’t a dream, it is as real as you can get. My father would probably brag me to his friends and call up his relatives to tell everyone of them about me for I’m the first in my father’s family to graduate college and the first in my father’s and mother’s family to got a master’s degree. He will probably give me a pat and say that I’m a good son and that I make him proud to be my father. Simple deeds and simple words you here other people say that it becomes a cliche of sort but my father is not here to do so or say so. It is quite funny because when I was 12, I couldn’t wait to grow up but now that I’m old, I wished that I was still a boy being patted on the head by his father. I’m not a spiritual or religious guy and therefore I can’t make myself to believed that he is “here” watching me and be proud of me nonetheless. He is dead and that’s the end of it, period. Nothing nostalgic about it. As I near home, I parked my car on the roadside trying to compose myself. It takes awhile but I manage. I need to compose myself because I don’t want to remind my family about the loss. I need to compose myself also because nobody should see a man shed tears. A man could cry privately if he feels the urge to do so but a man cannot be seen weeping in public. It is simply not what a man should do. It maybe hard to grow up into a man without a man to teach you how to become one but I somehow manage and I’m not just going to give it away by simply being weak. As I got home, I give my mother a hug and my brother a high five as I relate to them the entire story of my successful defense. Afterwards, I excused myself and went up to the ancestral prayer room and lit 3 incense sticks and tell my father that I’ve passed my masters and that I hoped that he is happy about the news and that I hoped that he is proud of me. As I leave the room, I noticed the slowly rising fragrant smoke from the incense sticks carrying my message and maybe just for that night, I want to believe that my father would be able to hear me and see me from wherever he is.

Rites of Initiation

There was once a young boy who came knocking at the doors of the Temple hoping that one day he would become an esteemed master in his own right. For years, he labored under the guidance of experienced masters. Training vigorously to perfect the skills he needed to answer the challenge of a competitive world. Toiled long and hard to acquire the knowledge to face the realities outside the secluded walls of learning. Sacrifices are made to achieve such goals. Then, all the sudden, a point has arrived wherein everything that seemed real for him would come to an abrupt end. However, he knows better. This is not an end but a beginning. This is the point in one’s life when one must prove that he is ready to face reality on his own. This is the initiation. It is actually a test to initiate the examinee to the real world. It is the point in time when all one have learned is put to a test. It is a test no different from the previous tests and by no means, this is the last of the test that one would face in life. However, be it maybe, this is no ordinary test. This is one of the few points in life where there is a clear break marking the past and the future, a demarcation line between hardship and promise, a transition point from memories of the journey to dreams of endless possibilities. As the boy walks down the familiar halls to the hollowed ground where the judges sit, a peculiar rite common to all who walks down the same hall is performed. He feels anxious, constantly trying to rehearse every skill he had learned and to remember every word he had studied. He experiences hope, knowing that the sacrifice he made is not wasted at all and that the future holds great promises to him if he were to passed this little test. He also experienced fear, worrying what the judges might think and the uncertain path that lies before him after the test. All of these he feels and experienced in a matter of minutes and then the door opened and he entered. The test has begun without a bang signaling the start. Suddenly, time seems to play tricks on him. For he swears that, the hour seemed to take eternity to pass and that the years were suddenly cramped in just an hour or so. Then finally, the verdict came and jubilation, relief, and howls of victory followed. The future for which the test is all about became unimportant to him. It doesn’t matter now for he is ready. As he left the temple and traced back the winding road that he traveled years ago in search of help, he swing his pack on his shoulder and placed his sword on his waist, chin held high. He exclaimed, “Get ready world, here I come!!!” He disappeared among the crowd and years later only his name would be heard and whispered among the crowd. Today, April 15, 2005, I passed my initiation. Today, I became a master and someday, I would become a whispered name.

The Sand Castle

During my vacation at the beach, I’d encountered a scene that reminded me of a basic truth that I’d believed and hold in life. I was sitting on a chair at the beach at that time still deciding when it will be the best time to go for a swim when I noticed a young girl digging up wet sand and filling up her bucket, continually pressing the sand to compact it. It turns out that she was trying to build up a sand structure using the bucket as the mold. She was probably trying to build a sand castle but I knew better that with the tools she have and her skills, she could never build one. She was pretty patient and quite determined I would say in trying to build something. I’d decided right then to postpone my swim and observe the future civil engineer on what she is doing. As I was observing, I wondered. “What is she doing anyway?” “ What purpose do she want to achieve?” Not that she is a lousy sand castle builder but rather it is because sooner or later the sand castle or whatever sand structure she is building would be ruined either by the beach participants or the wave. It just doesn’t make sense to me to do something so futile and fleeting. Then, I realized that everyday, each one of us tries to build a sand castle. A monument of our existence and achievement whether physical or intangible but only a very small fraction of our monument could stand the test of time and not washed away or ruined by others. Talk about futility of life and smallness of human. I’m not a man of religion however I can’t help but wonder about the teachings of religion on the futility of our existence. Buddhism would say that all our effort would be meaningless by the time of our death and in a hundred years time, everything we knew would be in ashes. The solution, meditate and withdraw so that once your turn is up for recycling, you won’t end up in the misery that is human life and join the great nirvana so to speak. Christianity on the other hand believes in “from dust we came till dust we return”. We all just lived on borrowed time and everything we build is meaningless if not made for God the creator. Same goes with Islam and Judaism I presumed. Life is so short and meaningless as it so seemed. It is then that I remembered my thermodynamics class in college. Specifically, I remembered the class lecture on the compressed gas piston – cylinder engine. The gas expands when heated to move the piston up the cylinder doing useful work lets say in turning the wheel. Once the heat is remove, the gas contracts and the piston is lowered back to its original position. I remember my professor said that it doesn’t matter whether the piston is back to its original position and doesn’t change its position at all (From zero to 1 and back to zero again). What matters is that it does work in turning the wheel. It also doesn’t matter it take 1 second or almost eternity to make the moves, what matter is that it does the work. Life too is the same. It doesn’t matter that it will be ruined eventually or that we eventually die or that we return to dust from which we are supposed to be made from. Life is the process from moving one point to the other and back again if it is so. It is the journey from birth till death. We learned, we grow, we experienced joy and happiness, we shed tears. Can we say nothing has changed since our existence? Life is not the tombstone where only the date of birth and the date of death are written. Life is everything that happened between birth and death. Is this futile? It doesn’t matter if there is no monument of our existence as long as we lived life and enjoyed it. Besides, I don’t believe that human existence is futile. We may achieve no lasting monument on our own but we can pass our knowledge and experience to the next person in line and that we will be remembered for. It if were not for this, I wouldn’t be writing this nor would we leave the cave where we are born. As I was contemplating this, the little girl left her sand castle and gone for the swim and I too think that I should be swimming and enjoy life as well. LIVE LONG AND ENJOY. “ )

Saluting a Great Man

I woke up this morning to find out that Pope John Paul II is dead. Though I'm not a believer, I joined everybody else in mourning his passing. There are a few great men in this world who affects the lives of many but only a handful of those I admire and respected. Being a historian that I'm, I can't help but recognize his achievement and contribution to history. However, that is not why I admire him. I admire him not for his faith nor his belief but his convinction that we all should share the blessings of God whatever our beliefs is. I admire him for his compassion for his fellow man. I admire him for his understanding, open - mindedness, and respect for the beliefs of others. Best of all, I admire for his single minded pursuit of his goals and his stubborness discharging his responsibility even until his death.

In reality, we shouldn't mourn for the death of this great man for everybody dies somewhere, somehow, and sometime. Instead, lets applaud for his well - lived life for only very very few people could be describe as such. Lets pay tribute for his life well spent in the most fruitful and meaningful way. Let us salute him and say thank you for being here with us, for all the things you've done for us, and for inspiring us to be a better person.

The Sailor In Me

Its been for sometimes now since I last wrote since I've been busy with the clutters of life lately. I just got home yesterday from the vacation at the beach fully recharged. I have also regained my focus from the experience. Yesterday morning, I got up early for a stroll at the break water reef at the beach. And Boy oh boy, what a sight! The fresh air, the pictureques scenery, and the serenity of the morning life was awesomely refreshing. However, what really grab my attention yesterday morning is the open sea behind me. The violent blue waves rocking back and forth, the island slowly getting visible over the horizon, and a fishing boat streaking across plying their morning trade are too inviting for me. I just like to grab a sail and head out into the unknown, armed only with a sail and a paddle and sailing against the rough sea and the gusty wind towards that edge where the sky and the sea meet. There is just something in me that wanted to embrace the open sea. My grandfather was a fisherman and my father did fish. I guess there is something genetic in this after all. However, as I slowly sat down on the ledge that I soon realize of the futility of my effort. I can't swim nor could I sail and never mind that I didn't know any survival techniques to help my chances at the sea. Somehow, there is something about the landlubber in me that tied me to this earth. Rational concerns like basic skills? Maybe. Irrational ones like a giant squid appearing from nowhere to devour me alive along with my tiny ship? Maybe. Or plain simple fears like shark attack or whale attack or even pirates? Maybe. Or is it simply me? Too much concern, indecisive, not ready. Probably. I the said to myself, I could prepare myself for the trip. I could learn the basic skills and I could learn to defend myself against hostile elements but would I still want to go out after I have prepared all of this? Maybe not. I was thinking that maybe by the time I'm prepared, I would have other concerns or even dreams. I might be too old for this or I might have a family by then or I may not be able to leave my job or that I've decided that playing golf would be a nobler pursuit than say sailing. Any of this or all of it would tie me to the shores. Still, I couldn't help but look out in the sea and wish for it. I had many dreams and struggled with it everyday to realize it but I never make it. Rational and irrational concerns? Fears? Whats holding me back? I came to the shocking conclusion that it is me all along that holding me back. I then decided that its time. Time for me to take a sail and head into the angry sea, battling with its unpredictable and violent waves and insticntively navigate through the rocks and hoping that I would catch a favorable wind with my sail and blew me to that great limit at the edge to chase a dream that never sets. As I stand and trace the familiar route back to my room at the resort, I felt more confident about my life. As for sailing, that would have to wait till I at least own a yatch!

On my thoughts

Socrates once said that we had to "know thyself" in order to live a full and meaningful life. I subscribe to that idea when I was in college. I would write down in a notebook my thoughts, my views as well as other peoples' view about life and the world whenever it pop up. As time pass by, I realize that I became the reflection of my thoughts and this has shaped my life, and showed me some facets of truth. I'm quite reluctant to share my thoughts with anyone as this are personal but I also came to realize that there are a lot of people out there who are simply clueless. Either they never thought about it or they never want to think about it. At any rate, I just want to share some of my thoughts and hopefully that these thoughts could help shape their lives. I'm not trying to be somebody that I can't be. I'm just an ordinary joe who wants to do my share for humanity's sake.

Here are some of my thoughts that I have written lately that I wanted to share.

1. Life doesn't wait for anyone. Take charge and siege the day.
2. Life today isn't an abrupt jump from yesterday but the summation of the gradual accumulation of evolutionary changes that happen in the past.
3. Love is all hype and overated. When you are with someone you love, 80% of the time you are miserable while 20% of the time you're happy. But somehow the relatively short period of happiness outweighs the miserable 80% and made it more tolerable and even worthwhile.
4. Life is like a conveyor. It brings you there when you least expected regardless if you're ready or not. Regardless if you wanted to or not. You have no choice but to face it whether you have a plan or not. We had to make a choice and react even if it lack finesse. However, we still have a choice on which conveyor belt we want to be in.
5. History repeats itself. It has repeated itself. It is repeating itself as we speak and it will keep repeating itself if we don't heed the lessons of history.

to be continued...........