IF CIRCUMSTANCES WERE DIFFERENT

One morning sometime in the weeks past, I woke up and gazed at myself on the mirror and realized a question, “what if circumstances were different, would I be the same person as I’m now?” It is the question that occupied my thought for sometime. I don’t know why I ask this question but probably this has to do with what I am now (I mean I’m getting “older”). I mean, everybody asks this question at some point in their lives especially when they tried to look at their past. The gist of my question is really is “are we really the authors of our own fate?” or “are we merely the product of fate itself?” Put it simply, if we are the authors of our fate, then no matter under what circumstances be, it is we that determines who we are. Else, it is fate then that dictates who we should be. One of the popular theories in the study of history and philosophy is Arnold Toynbee’s “Theory of Challenge and Response”. According to Toynbee, when civilizations and to the lesser extent, human beings are faced with a challenge be it from Nature or from other civilizations or from other human beings, civilizations and human beings responded by learning, adapting, changing (at times, radically) their behaviors to meet and overcome the challenges. Failure to adapt and change would lead to the demise of a civilization or of a human being. Now, it is a given that though certain events and circumstances were wrought simply by our own doing, most of it were forced upon us whether you like it or not. And in cases of major challenges, we responded by learning, adapting, and changing our ideals, our beliefs, our morals, and even our principles, at times drastic and at times radically in order just to survive. And as a result, for better or worse, we became a “different” person entirely, a “victim” of fate. Although I believe in the freedom of choices but there are times when the choices simply boil down to “to be or not to be”. And most of the time, the choice of “not to be” isn’t exactly a choice at all. It is this conclusion that I hold onto for a long time until recently. You see in my recent reflections I discover that though I did “learn my past lessons” and adapt to it and even going to the extent of “adjusting” some of my beliefs, my ideals, my morals, and my principles and at times changing them radically to suit the new circumstances, I also discovered I’m essentially the same person that I was 10 –, 20 – or 30 – years ago. I am still me. I mean that once upon a time when I was still young, I was a dreamer, an ardent idealist that viewed the world in the most simplistic of all views. Circumstances in life however intervene and I was forced to adopt a more pragmatic view of life and take the most practical of all actions and responses to a given challenge. Still, I noticed that I still harbor that idealism that I hold dear in my youth. Watered down maybe, tempered probably but it is still the idealism that I once knew. The methods I employ now maybe pragmatic in form and style and at times, probably Machiavellian but my goals, my objectives are somewhat idealistic. I may no longer be a dreamer but I’m definitely a romantic. Another thing about me that didn’t change is my love for books or the more underlying reason, my constant curiosity about everything around me. The thirst for knowledge, that need to answer the question, why is still very evident in me after all these years, after all the things that happened. I bought books when I was young (though not in the scale that I’m acquiring books right now) and at the present time, I’m still gobbling up books like there was no tomorrow. Maybe if the circumstances were different and I don’t have the means to acquire the books that I have right now but still I doubt it that it would deter my voracity for knowledge or impede my quest for answers. After all, there are ways to acquire knowledge without actually buying up books. I remembered that when I was younger, I was “angry young man”. Angry of being limited, angry of being hold back, angry of the status quo (or far from what is ideal), angry for not being able to remedy it. Now that I am older and supposedly, wiser, I’m no longer “angry” but impatient. Impatient of success, impatient of slow progress and at times of no progress at all, and most of all, impatient of not being able to remedy it as fast that I would have wanted. Of course, there are a lot more about me that I finally found out that is still me even after all the things I’ve been through and it is quite heartening to know. I guess what I’m trying to say here is that no matter what happened our basic character still persists. Our core essence as an individual still permeates and this influences how we “respond” to changes. This is why some people may find themselves a contradiction, i.e., saying this and doing exactly the opposite because of circumstances while others find themselves a bag of inconsistencies, i.e., constantly “reinventing” themselves all throughout their lives, again due to circumstances. The reality however is that there is no such thing as contradiction nor there inconsistency. People feel they’re a contradiction or inconsistent simply because they didn’t “understand themselves”. And to know thyself is to know the world around us. For example, one maybe simply greedy and they never knew it and hence, they would react in a certain way given the circumstances. But this doesn’t mean that they aren’t greedy if that particular circumstance didn’t happen. They still are. Now, going back to the question. “If circumstances were different, would I be the same person that I’m right now?” My conclusion would be no, I would be a different person for I would have change my ideals, my views, my beliefs, my morals, my principles just adapt to reality but I wouldn’t be far off either for I am what I am, what I was, and what I will be. I would still be me regardless of the circumstances.