When I’m 80…………

I was talking to a friend a day or two before and in our conversation, I told her a story that actually happened sometime ago. I received a call from an 80 – year old guy looking for my mom. Naturally, I passed the phone to my mom thinking probably he was a relative or an old acquaintance from the mainland. After the conversation, I ask her who he is and to my surprise, he was actually some distant grand uncle of mine. My mother told me that he called to thank her mother, my maternal grandmother, who happened to be dead way before my mother got married. I was quite confused about what she said and she explained further to me that he wanted to thank my grandma for supporting his bid in courting my grand aunt. Well, he eventually married her as the story goes but unfortunately my grand aunt died of childbirth complications. I had to say that I admire the guy. After all this years, he still love my grand aunt to the extent of calling up to thank my grandma through her daughter. He is a guy who is in his twilight years and looking forward for a peaceful departure and he wanted to say his goodbyes and thank you’s before he depart. He is looking for peace, probably closure, and probably make amends. The entire episode made me think back then as it was now on what would I be doing when I turn 80. Would I pick up the phone and call up every person I know and say what I needed to say? Or should I just keep my mouth shut and bring all my regrets, hopes, and passions to my grave and bury it there? Or if I do going to pick up the phone and call by the time I’m 80, what would I say? Funny to be thinking about it when you’re not yet 80 but I was thinking it already. I think probably I’m going to say: “You know what? I had a crush on you when we were studying however I was young and shy and I was sitting by the window and you were sitting near the door at the other end of the room and we never manage to really talk.” Or I could say: “You know what? I was going to court you when we were studying but then again your father or your brother looks like a mass murderer and actually scared me to bits.” Or maybe I could say: “You know what? I love you but somehow I fail to tell you that when I was a lot younger for reasons that I could no longer remember by now. We could end up together and things could turn out different.” Or “You seemed to be a nice and decent person but somehow we never get to be close, I wish that we get to chat more often and get to know each other better. Who knows we could have been the best of friends?” Or “You’ve been good to me so far, friend and I never did get to thank you even once in my lifetime. Well, thank you.” Or “We were not that close before and there is some sort of animosity between us. I don’t know what I did or what I’d said before to cause this rift between us. I couldn’t remember anymore. And if I do wronged you before, I would like to apologize for it and hoped that you have in your heart to forgive me after all this years.” Or “I never fulfilled my promise to you and it seems that I would never do.” Or “I never hold up my end of the deal and I’m just terribly sorry after so many years.” After which, I would probably end the phone conversation with: “Well, that was in the past already. What is in the past is past………….” Then again, why should I wait till 80 to make the phone call? I can just pick up the phone and call the people that I wanted to talk to and say the things I wanted to say. Never mind that people would think that I’m crazy or that I’m sick somehow, I think they would appreciate it. After all, it’s not everyday that they get to hear something like this. Then again, maybe something are best left unsaid at least until I’m 80 when everything is already moot and academic. When emotions had all but died down, when tensions are gone and everything is futile and passion has become as dry as the flesh that clings to my decaying body by that time. Perhaps, I’ll wait till 80 to make the call like what the old guy did. To say my thank you’s, to make amends, to tell them what I think and to cap it all with my farewell. That is of course if I am still alive by then and if I do, would the other party survive till then? That is another question to ponder.